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Changing the Dial

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Doubt and the tenderness of vulnerability have plagued me for weeks while working hard for a goal I’ve dreamed of for decades.  I rationalized for years why I couldn’t do this. And once I started the process, I’ve thought about throwing in the towel multiple times.  I just didn’t realize until this week the real reason I wanted to quit was to avoid my feelings. Avoidance is sneaky.  It would be so easy, and I can find plenty of justifiable excuses.  In fact, not many would question my decision to give up.

But I’ve discovered I’m willing to fight through these feelings because I have my own voice now. I want to feed my soul and be who I am called to be.

Image result for george eliot quote it's never too late

**Photo credit http://www.saryan.info**

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Recognizing Trauma: At the Dental Office

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In the 15 years I worked in the dental field, I saw a wide range of anxiety behaviors surface for patients.  I’ve had my own experiences of dental anxiety too. The dental office is actually a very common place for anxiety to land.

The dental chair is a vulnerable place to be.  Someone with authority is hovering over you while you lie supine, they are shoving pokey things in your mouth, and you are usually in a small, confined area. More

Theory Brought to Life

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I’m in awe of a recent experience that brought my classwork alive.

The week before Thanksgiving, a speaker in my class was discussing how children deal with trauma.  She was explaining how the brain works and what needs to happen for them to process trauma.  It was a lot of interesting theory.  Until she said something that really hit home.

“Children need to tell the trauma story over and over and over.  This is how they metabolize, process, and heal from it.” 

One of my most traumatic stories is one that still has an emotional life of its own.  Every time I think about, talk about, or write about this event, the feelings are still incredibly raw.  I thought about how I was never allowed to tell my stories, let alone repeatedly.  In fact, this story remains mostly untold. More

Charlie Rose and my Dad

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Thanks to Gayle King, I’m in tears this morning…fresh tears remembering how hard it was to tell someone what Dad had done to me for so many years.  And how similar Charlie Rose is to my Dad.  The power. Oh. My. God. The. Power.  More

Life Without My BF

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Several months ago, a very cherished friendship ended.

I’ve been grieving the loss ever since, but today I’m really missing her.

Even though it was me who said I couldn’t continue the friendship, More

It’s going to be beautiful

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Last month I went on a 2500 mile solo camping trip on my motorcycle. I went through 7 states in 6 days.

I was both excited and nervous to go solo, but also determined to face my fears.

It was time for some growth. 

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Turns out I had so much fun, my fears were forgotten, and definitely for naught.  The trip was a confidence booster, and equally important, gave me much needed time for reflection. More

Now I Understand

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Over the years, I’ve heard several women say they had no intention of babysitting if they had grand kids, or even if they already had them.  I was mystified.  I couldn’t imagine feeling that way, and assumed if I had grand kids wild horses couldn’t keep me away.

Then I had grand kids.

While it’s true that wild horses can’t keep me away and I do babysit every chance I get…I think I now understand why some people avoid their grand babies and choose not to babysit.

The first few months after our first grandson was born in January was such a confusing mix of joy and pain.  I couldn’t understand why I felt so much pain and sorrow when I was so excited and happy. More

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