Home

Theory Brought to Life

18 Comments

I’m in awe of a recent experience that brought my classwork alive.

The week before Thanksgiving, a speaker in my class was discussing how children deal with trauma.  She was explaining how the brain works and what needs to happen for them to process trauma.  It was a lot of interesting theory.  Until she said something that really hit home.

“Children need to tell the trauma story over and over and over.  This is how they metabolize, process, and heal from it.” 

One of my most traumatic stories is one that still has an emotional life of its own.  Every time I think about, talk about, or write about this event, the feelings are still incredibly raw.  I thought about how I was never allowed to tell my stories, let alone repeatedly.  In fact, this story remains mostly untold. More

Now I Understand

25 Comments

Over the years, I’ve heard several women say they had no intention of babysitting if they had grand kids, or even if they already had them.  I was mystified.  I couldn’t imagine feeling that way, and assumed if I had grand kids wild horses couldn’t keep me away.

Then I had grand kids.

While it’s true that wild horses can’t keep me away and I do babysit every chance I get…I think I now understand why some people avoid their grand babies and choose not to babysit.

The first few months after our first grandson was born in January was such a confusing mix of joy and pain.  I couldn’t understand why I felt so much pain and sorrow when I was so excited and happy. More

This is What I’ve been up to…

35 Comments

Two Grandsons -4 months apart!!!!

Lucas arrived in January to our daughter and son-in-law…

 

Dawson joined the party in May, to our son and daughter-in-law.

These cousins are so cute, and has this Nana all in a swoon!!!

201[1]

Between Bookends…

39 Comments

Mom moved into an assisted living facility this month. She turned 90 this year, and she’s been legally blind for several years so it’s probably overdue.

Still, it comes on the heels of me finding out I’ll be a grandma in a few short months.

I feel sandwiched in the middle of two life altering events. Mom easing into her final chapter, my grandson soon to make his debut chapter.

 The timing is odd, the emotions hard to describe.

More

“Mrs. M Died Today”

15 Comments

Robin Williams’ suicide continues to touch raw wounds.

I have the honor of sharing a deeply touching story from “Mary” today.  She very eloquently describes what it’s like to be left behind the wake of a suicide.

 

“Mrs. M died today,” read my diary. 

That’s all that’s written.  Looking back, I just don’t think there was any more to say.  How in the world could I explain it to my diary when at age 10, my best friend’s mom died and left us all bereft, swirling in a pool of uncertainty?

Now more than 30 years later, More

Letter to My Younger Self

38 Comments

theindiechicks.com

theindiechicks.com

Dear Denise,

I understand how trapped, lonely, and sad you feel right now.  Being ten years old is hard enough without the added burden of an abusive home.

Dad is a mean and angry man.  He takes it out on anyone he can overpower, and many times that ends up being you.  This isn’t your fault -it’s not because of anything you’ve done, or not done.   I know how hard you try to do the right things so he’ll say nice things to you.  I know how much it would mean to you for him to say he’s sorry for the awful things he’s done. He is supposed to take care of you, not hurt you.

Mom doesn’t protect you because she’s busy surviving him in her own way.  Unfortunately, that means she can’t let herself see what’s happening to you.  She uses the wine to escape into her fun, happy world.  It makes things easier for her, but harder for you.  I know one day you will be angry with her about this, but then More

Living Life Forward, Understanding it Backwards

23 Comments

www.illuminatedlife.hawaiiedu

When we want to move forward, sometimes that’s the very best time to look backwards.

“It is perfectly true, as philosophers say, that life must be understood backwards. But they forget the other proposition, that it must be lived
forwards.”~ Søren Kierkegaard

.

Focusing exclusively on the past isn’t helpful, but neither is ignoring it.

More

Book Review “Sober Mercies” by Heather Kopp

21 Comments

Heather Kopp’s book “Sober Mercies” is so much more than the courageous story of a woman facing her demons.

Sober Mercies

She weaves her story of childhood experiences and adult choices in a vulnerable and honest telling.  She doesn’t play the victim card, but rather takes us through her journey of recognizing what led her to her downfall and why faith alone wasn’t enough to save her from alcohol.

Heather also powerfully and purposefully addresses More

How To Forgive The Unforgivable

63 Comments

…and How Forgiving Brings Freedom…

The decision to forgive my dad was borne of a long labor.

Although I’d always felt and said I wanted to forgive him, I couldn’t seem to actually do it.  Maybe my mind hadn’t transferred the abuse from something to survive into something to forgive yet.

spirituallythinking.blogspot.com

spirituallythinking.blogspot.com

I’d hidden the abuse for so long, it became acceptable in its own sick way.  I compartmentalized the abuse and split my dad into two people.  There was the dad who abused me; but then there was the dad who played cards with me, taught me to fly his plane, and took me fishing.  As children, we are dependent and vulnerable; we have no choice but to find a way to accept the abuse in order to survive.

All I ever wanted was to have a happy, loving dad/daughter relationship. It took me years before I admitted to myself just how wrong and destructive his abuse was.    I wanted to forgive him, but for a long time I thought I could only forgive if I had his apology first.

Through a long, difficult journey of self-discovery and spiritual maturing, I began to realize forgiving him didn’t even involve him. More

Kinship With Cleveland

47 Comments

***Caution:  There are graphic descriptions in this post.  If you are concerned about being triggered, please do not read this.***

When the news broke of the three women in Cleveland who’d been held captive for ten years, I felt a rush of sisterhood.  I was never chained in a room or beaten, so I cannot relate to these aspects of what Gina DeJesus, Michelle Knight, and Amanda Berry went through.  Their nightmare is a unique and horrific one I cannot fully fathom.  But there is much of their story I can relate to.

They have been heavy on my mind ever since the story ran, but I’ve been hesitant to write about them.   I’m aware the more ‘normal’ response is shock; but I feel this kinship instead.  I desperately want to be ‘normal,’ but my history has robbed me of many aspects of normal.  After much reflection, I sensed a calling to share my perspective in the hopes of giving every outraged person a way to use their anger for good. More

Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: