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Now I Understand

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Over the years, I’ve heard several women say they had no intention of babysitting if they had grand kids, or even if they already had them.  I was mystified.  I couldn’t imagine feeling that way, and assumed if I had grand kids wild horses couldn’t keep me away.

Then I had grand kids.

While it’s true that wild horses can’t keep me away and I do babysit every chance I get…I think I now understand why some people avoid their grand babies and choose not to babysit.

The first few months after our first grandson was born in January was such a confusing mix of joy and pain.  I couldn’t understand why I felt so much pain and sorrow when I was so excited and happy. More

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This is What I’ve been up to…

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Two Grandsons -4 months apart!!!!

Lucas arrived in January to our daughter and son-in-law…

 

Dawson joined the party in May, to our son and daughter-in-law.

These cousins are so cute, and has this Nana all in a swoon!!!

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Between Bookends…

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Mom moved into an assisted living facility this month. She turned 90 this year, and she’s been legally blind for several years so it’s probably overdue.

Still, it comes on the heels of me finding out I’ll be a grandma in a few short months.

I feel sandwiched in the middle of two life altering events. Mom easing into her final chapter, my grandson soon to make his debut chapter.

 The timing is odd, the emotions hard to describe.

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“Mrs. M Died Today”

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Robin Williams’ suicide continues to touch raw wounds.

I have the honor of sharing a deeply touching story from “Mary” today.  She very eloquently describes what it’s like to be left behind the wake of a suicide.

 

“Mrs. M died today,” read my diary. 

That’s all that’s written.  Looking back, I just don’t think there was any more to say.  How in the world could I explain it to my diary when at age 10, my best friend’s mom died and left us all bereft, swirling in a pool of uncertainty?

Now more than 30 years later, More

Letter to My Younger Self

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theindiechicks.com

theindiechicks.com

Dear Denise,

I understand how trapped, lonely, and sad you feel right now.  Being ten years old is hard enough without the added burden of an abusive home.

Dad is a mean and angry man.  He takes it out on anyone he can overpower, and many times that ends up being you.  This isn’t your fault -it’s not because of anything you’ve done, or not done.   I know how hard you try to do the right things so he’ll say nice things to you.  I know how much it would mean to you for him to say he’s sorry for the awful things he’s done. He is supposed to take care of you, not hurt you.

Mom doesn’t protect you because she’s busy surviving him in her own way.  Unfortunately, that means she can’t let herself see what’s happening to you.  She uses the wine to escape into her fun, happy world.  It makes things easier for her, but harder for you.  I know one day you will be angry with her about this, but then More

Living Life Forward, Understanding it Backwards

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www.illuminatedlife.hawaiiedu

When we want to move forward, sometimes that’s the very best time to look backwards.

“It is perfectly true, as philosophers say, that life must be understood backwards. But they forget the other proposition, that it must be lived
forwards.”~ Søren Kierkegaard

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Focusing exclusively on the past isn’t helpful, but neither is ignoring it.

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Book Review “Sober Mercies” by Heather Kopp

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Heather Kopp’s book “Sober Mercies” is so much more than the courageous story of a woman facing her demons.

Sober Mercies

She weaves her story of childhood experiences and adult choices in a vulnerable and honest telling.  She doesn’t play the victim card, but rather takes us through her journey of recognizing what led her to her downfall and why faith alone wasn’t enough to save her from alcohol.

Heather also powerfully and purposefully addresses More

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