August 22, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Family, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
childhood trauma, facing fear, healing, Mental Health, motherhood, parenting, Suicidal, trauma
Robin Williams’ suicide continues to touch raw wounds.
I have the honor of sharing a deeply touching story from “Mary” today. She very eloquently describes what it’s like to be left behind the wake of a suicide.
“Mrs. M died today,” read my diary.
That’s all that’s written. Looking back, I just don’t think there was any more to say. How in the world could I explain it to my diary when at age 10, my best friend’s mom died and left us all bereft, swirling in a pool of uncertainty?
Now more than 30 years later, More
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August 16, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Family, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
abuse survivor, childhood trauma, depression, facing fear, finding freedom, healing, Mental Health, Suicidal, truth
The world lost a great man when Robin Williams took his own life this week. A genius, really. But more importantly, we lost a man in pain. Someone who decided he and his family were better off with him dead.
It is human nature to want to fill in the blanks. Why did he do it?
Does it really matter? Do we need a reason so we feel superior that we didn’t do the terrible deed?
The bottom line is: Pain is Pain.
Desperate pain results in desperate ideas and choices.
When I was suicidal, More
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August 7, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, Forgiveness, getting help, gratitude, healing, Letting Go, personal growth, PTSD, recovery, Spiritual Journey, Struggle to Forgive, Suicidal, Transformation, trauma, truth, wearing masks
Feeling better seems to be a universal goal of humankind.
When we’re experiencing physical, emotional, or spiritual pain, the instinct to feel better can take on a life of its own. Most of us don’t even realize our subconscious is in overdrive doing whatever it takes to avoid bad feelings.
The problem is this: what makes us feel better usually isn’t what makes us get better.
Feeling Better More
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June 14, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Family, Personal Growth, Recovery
abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, healing, Lessons from Dad, truth
His lessons about life taught me no one is trustworthy.
His lessons about love taught me to control or be controlled.
His lessons about tolerance taught me no one is smart enough, good enough, or fast enough.
His lessons about security taught me danger is around every corner.
His lessons about confidence taught me if I didn’t think his way, there was hell to pay.
It’s taken years to undo the damage from those lessons.
But it was his lessons about stubbornness that backfired on him.
It was the one trait he taught me that actually saved me from him.
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June 3, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
abuse survivor, anger, childhood trauma, emotional strength, facing fear, finding freedom, getting help, gratitude, healing, personal growth, recovery, Transformation, truth
Anger with a D is Danger. That’s the kind of anger I used to have. The Destructive Kind.
Anger was my best friend. Always accessible and purposeful, it was my go-to response to many of life’s situations. It didn’t take much to justify unleashing on all the irritating people of the world. And those irritating people were everywhere!
Anger suited me well –I felt strong and powerful when I was angry. People kept their distance and I was safe. I got kudos growing up for being angry; as long as it wasn’t with anyone in our house! I’d come home with stories of mouthing off at teachers and be commended for it. Dad would laugh and give me the rare praise I coveted.
It wasn’t until I finally heard myself More
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May 20, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, finding freedom, getting help, healing, recovery, Robert Frost, Transformation, truth
Robert Frost
March 26, 1874 -January 29, 1963
I used to plead with my therapist for an easier way to process and heal my past. Feeling the feelings is really hard work, and incredibly painful. I wanted a short-cut, some magic wand to fast-forward me to the finish line. I Wish.
Turns out Robert Frost had it right all those years ago. The best way out really is through.
If we don’t feel the feelings and process them –at least enough to heal and move forward– they will continue to haunt us in hidden and mysterious ways.
I’ve learned and re-learned the frustrating truth that we can know something in our heads, but if don’t know it in our hearts it doesn’t translate to change.
Without a doubt it has to start in our heads. We need to think, consider, and chew the facts a while. But the only way I’ve seen knowledge migrate from the head to the heart is through feeling the feelings. Processing emotions like loss, anger, and truth is draining, even excruciating at times, but it’s eventually very freeing.
The most tangible way I’ve seen my life changed
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April 23, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Family, Recovery
Catahoula Leopard Dog, dogs, emotional strength, finding freedom, healing
We have a 4-legged addition to the family!
Hubby and I adopted a Catahoula Leopard mix from a local rescue organization last week and it’s like having a toddler in the house!
(We’d never heard of this breed before, but are quickly becoming educated. She’s a mix, so considerably smaller and calmer than a pure-bred.)
She’s one year old and full of vim, vinegar, and mischief.
(Except when she’s passed out, recharging her batteries!)
Tuckered Out
Learning to sit
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April 2, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Family, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, facing fear, finding freedom, healing, Mental Health, recovery, Transformation, truth
Following a 14-year absence, my husband and I went to Alaska to visit my mom last year. Dad had passed away in those years, while I’d still been estranged. His passing allowed me the freedom to return to my roots and rescue my younger self in a very tangible way.
As part of my healing, I brought some rocks to leave behind.
For me, rocks symbolize strength and power.
Think David and Goliath, Alcatraz, Stonehenge, the Pyramids.
My rocks were that important to me. They would declare my presence, my survival; even after I departed once again. More
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March 12, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Facing Fear, Family, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma
abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, Forgiveness, Forgiving My Father, Forgiving My Mother, getting help, healing, Mental Health, motherhood, recovery, Transformation, truth
Estrangement stories cross my path often lately. It’s a painful and sensitive topic, for both sides. Some people are hurting because they’ve chosen to estrange themselves, others because they don’t understand why a loved one has estranged. Still others long for the relief of estrangement, but the pain of setting that boundary is clearly too difficult.
The journey of coming to terms with why we need to estrange ourselves can be grueling, depressing, and exhausting. Desire for belonging to family is strong, and it took considerable pain – and 3 attempts – before I was finally able to definitively draw my line in the sand. More
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February 27, 2014
Zoe Hisey
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery
abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, facing fear, finding freedom, getting help, healing, Mental Health, personal growth, Transformation
There’s a pattern of dysfunction called the Triad many of us have without even realizing it. This is one of many things I learned about myself in therapy.
Triad refers to the way people Think, Feel, and Behave.
1. Self Activation -Think
This involves an action of taking care of ourselves.
2. Abandonment Feelings -Feel
This is the result of taking care of ourselves. If we have any ‘gaps’ from our childhood, they rear their ugly heads about now.
3. Acting Out – Behave
This is our reaction to the abandonment feelings.
A simple example of the triad More
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