Moving From Surviving to Thriving
December 20, 2014
Facing Fear, Family, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma childhood trauma, Christmas Memories, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, Family, forgiving dad, Forgiving My Father, healing, Letting Go, Mental Health, recovery, Spiritual Journey, Transformation 13 Comments
Dad’s birthday is today; gone now nearly 5 years, he would be turning 92.
He hated Christmas. Apparently his birthday was forgotten every year in the midst of Christmas preparations when he was growing up. The pain of being forgotten never seemed to leave him. He would not allow us to put up a tree until his birthday had passed, and even then did so grudgingly.
I know now Dad’s Christmas experience is only a tiny window into his life story. More
October 22, 2014
Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, finding freedom, getting help, healing, Mental Health, personal growth, recovery, Transformation, truth 30 Comments
With Halloween around the corner, ghoulish decorations are beginning to pop up alongside gargantuan pumpkins, bumpy gourds, and colorful leaves.
A plastic skeleton swinging in the wind recently reminded me of the saying about keeping skeletons in the closet.
My closet is no stranger to skeletons. Some have represented things done to me, others symbolized things I’ve done. Shame and fear were the hinges on my closet doors. Strong and secure, they kept my secrets tucked in the dark.
Or so I thought. More
September 20, 2014
Facing Fear, Family, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, Adrian Peterson, childhood trauma, Domestic Violence, Facing Adversity, facing fear, Forgiveness, getting help, Greg Hardy, Jon Dwyer, motherhood, NFL, Ray Rice, trauma, truth 36 Comments
A powerful man hitting a defenseless child? What a lowlife, coward, and disgrace. Let’s all throw stones at him.
But wait.
What if…
What if Adrian Peterson was simply parenting the way he’d been parented.
How can we be expected to do the right thing if we’ve never been taught what the right thing is?
I am in no way condoning or excusing this behavior, nor that of any version of domestic violence.
But I believe there’s more to the story. Much more.
More
August 22, 2014
Facing Fear, Family, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma childhood trauma, facing fear, healing, Mental Health, motherhood, parenting, Suicidal, trauma 15 Comments
Robin Williams’ suicide continues to touch raw wounds.
I have the honor of sharing a deeply touching story from “Mary” today. She very eloquently describes what it’s like to be left behind the wake of a suicide.
“Mrs. M died today,” read my diary.
That’s all that’s written. Looking back, I just don’t think there was any more to say. How in the world could I explain it to my diary when at age 10, my best friend’s mom died and left us all bereft, swirling in a pool of uncertainty?
Now more than 30 years later, More
August 16, 2014
Facing Fear, Family, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, childhood trauma, depression, facing fear, finding freedom, healing, Mental Health, Suicidal, truth 35 Comments
The world lost a great man when Robin Williams took his own life this week. A genius, really. But more importantly, we lost a man in pain. Someone who decided he and his family were better off with him dead.
It is human nature to want to fill in the blanks. Why did he do it?
Does it really matter? Do we need a reason so we feel superior that we didn’t do the terrible deed?
The bottom line is: Pain is Pain.
Desperate pain results in desperate ideas and choices.
When I was suicidal, More
August 7, 2014
Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, Forgiveness, getting help, gratitude, healing, Letting Go, personal growth, PTSD, recovery, Spiritual Journey, Struggle to Forgive, Suicidal, Transformation, trauma, truth, wearing masks 21 Comments
Feeling better seems to be a universal goal of humankind.
When we’re experiencing physical, emotional, or spiritual pain, the instinct to feel better can take on a life of its own. Most of us don’t even realize our subconscious is in overdrive doing whatever it takes to avoid bad feelings.
The problem is this: what makes us feel better usually isn’t what makes us get better.
Feeling Better More
July 15, 2014
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, memories 40 Comments
Mom said, “Your Dad’s late for dinner because he’s at the bar.” We didn’t have a phone yet, and she said I had to go get him. So, off I went to ask him to come home for dinner. The bar was only about a quarter of a mile from our house, but I wasn’t very eager to get there and took my sweet time.
Summer skies in Alaska are bright and fresh, but inside the bar More
June 14, 2014
Facing Fear, Family, Personal Growth, Recovery abuse survivor, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, healing, Lessons from Dad, truth 45 Comments
His lessons about life taught me no one is trustworthy.
His lessons about love taught me to control or be controlled.
His lessons about tolerance taught me no one is smart enough, good enough, or fast enough.
His lessons about security taught me danger is around every corner.
His lessons about confidence taught me if I didn’t think his way, there was hell to pay.
It’s taken years to undo the damage from those lessons.
June 3, 2014
Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, anger, childhood trauma, emotional strength, facing fear, finding freedom, getting help, gratitude, healing, personal growth, recovery, Transformation, truth 35 Comments
Anger with a D is Danger. That’s the kind of anger I used to have. The Destructive Kind.
Anger was my best friend. Always accessible and purposeful, it was my go-to response to many of life’s situations. It didn’t take much to justify unleashing on all the irritating people of the world. And those irritating people were everywhere!
Anger suited me well –I felt strong and powerful when I was angry. People kept their distance and I was safe. I got kudos growing up for being angry; as long as it wasn’t with anyone in our house! I’d come home with stories of mouthing off at teachers and be commended for it. Dad would laugh and give me the rare praise I coveted.
It wasn’t until I finally heard myself More
May 20, 2014
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, finding freedom, getting help, healing, recovery, Robert Frost, Transformation, truth 32 Comments
I used to plead with my therapist for an easier way to process and heal my past. Feeling the feelings is really hard work, and incredibly painful. I wanted a short-cut, some magic wand to fast-forward me to the finish line. I Wish.
Turns out Robert Frost had it right all those years ago. The best way out really is through.
If we don’t feel the feelings and process them –at least enough to heal and move forward– they will continue to haunt us in hidden and mysterious ways.
I’ve learned and re-learned the frustrating truth that we can know something in our heads, but if don’t know it in our hearts it doesn’t translate to change.
Without a doubt it has to start in our heads. We need to think, consider, and chew the facts a while. But the only way I’ve seen knowledge migrate from the head to the heart is through feeling the feelings. Processing emotions like loss, anger, and truth is draining, even excruciating at times, but it’s eventually very freeing.
