Moving From Surviving to Thriving
July 15, 2014
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, memories 40 Comments
Mom said, “Your Dad’s late for dinner because he’s at the bar.” We didn’t have a phone yet, and she said I had to go get him. So, off I went to ask him to come home for dinner. The bar was only about a quarter of a mile from our house, but I wasn’t very eager to get there and took my sweet time.
Summer skies in Alaska are bright and fresh, but inside the bar More
May 20, 2014
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, finding freedom, getting help, healing, recovery, Robert Frost, Transformation, truth 32 Comments
I used to plead with my therapist for an easier way to process and heal my past. Feeling the feelings is really hard work, and incredibly painful. I wanted a short-cut, some magic wand to fast-forward me to the finish line. I Wish.
Turns out Robert Frost had it right all those years ago. The best way out really is through.
If we don’t feel the feelings and process them –at least enough to heal and move forward– they will continue to haunt us in hidden and mysterious ways.
I’ve learned and re-learned the frustrating truth that we can know something in our heads, but if don’t know it in our hearts it doesn’t translate to change.
Without a doubt it has to start in our heads. We need to think, consider, and chew the facts a while. But the only way I’ve seen knowledge migrate from the head to the heart is through feeling the feelings. Processing emotions like loss, anger, and truth is draining, even excruciating at times, but it’s eventually very freeing.
March 12, 2014
Facing Fear, Family, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, Forgiveness, Forgiving My Father, Forgiving My Mother, getting help, healing, Mental Health, motherhood, recovery, Transformation, truth 50 Comments
Estrangement stories cross my path often lately. It’s a painful and sensitive topic, for both sides. Some people are hurting because they’ve chosen to estrange themselves, others because they don’t understand why a loved one has estranged. Still others long for the relief of estrangement, but the pain of setting that boundary is clearly too difficult.
The journey of coming to terms with why we need to estrange ourselves can be grueling, depressing, and exhausting. Desire for belonging to family is strong, and it took considerable pain – and 3 attempts – before I was finally able to definitively draw my line in the sand. More
September 26, 2013
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Family, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, Family, finding freedom, Forgiveness, gratitude, healing, parenting, personal growth, Transformation, truth, wearing masks 38 Comments
theindiechicks.com
Dear Denise,
I understand how trapped, lonely, and sad you feel right now. Being ten years old is hard enough without the added burden of an abusive home.
Dad is a mean and angry man. He takes it out on anyone he can overpower, and many times that ends up being you. This isn’t your fault -it’s not because of anything you’ve done, or not done. I know how hard you try to do the right things so he’ll say nice things to you. I know how much it would mean to you for him to say he’s sorry for the awful things he’s done. He is supposed to take care of you, not hurt you.
Mom doesn’t protect you because she’s busy surviving him in her own way. Unfortunately, that means she can’t let herself see what’s happening to you. She uses the wine to escape into her fun, happy world. It makes things easier for her, but harder for you. I know one day you will be angry with her about this, but then More
June 2, 2013
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery alcoholic parents, emotional strength, Facing Adversity, facing fear, finding freedom, Forgiveness, healing, Heather Kopp, parenting, recovery, Sober Mercies, Transformation, truth 21 Comments
Heather Kopp’s book “Sober Mercies” is so much more than the courageous story of a woman facing her demons.
She weaves her story of childhood experiences and adult choices in a vulnerable and honest telling. She doesn’t play the victim card, but rather takes us through her journey of recognizing what led her to her downfall and why faith alone wasn’t enough to save her from alcohol.
Heather also powerfully and purposefully addresses More
May 29, 2013
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, Facing Adversity, facing fear, Family, finding freedom, Forgiveness, forgiving dad, gratitude, healing, parenting, personal growth, Spiritual Journey, Struggle to Forgive, Transformation 63 Comments
Although I’d always felt and said I wanted to forgive him, I couldn’t seem to actually do it. Maybe my mind hadn’t transferred the abuse from something to survive into something to forgive yet.
spirituallythinking.blogspot.com
I’d hidden the abuse for so long, it became acceptable in its own sick way. I compartmentalized the abuse and split my dad into two people. There was the dad who abused me; but then there was the dad who played cards with me, taught me to fly his plane, and took me fishing. As children, we are dependent and vulnerable; we have no choice but to find a way to accept the abuse in order to survive.
All I ever wanted was to have a happy, loving dad/daughter relationship. It took me years before I admitted to myself just how wrong and destructive his abuse was. I wanted to forgive him, but for a long time I thought I could only forgive if I had his apology first.
Through a long, difficult journey of self-discovery and spiritual maturing, I began to realize forgiving him didn’t even involve him. More
January 20, 2013
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, Beer Run, facing fear, finding freedom, gratitude, healing, Letting Go, personal growth, recovery, Seahawks, Transformation, trauma 34 Comments
I went on my first beer run.
| Beer Run | http://www.urbandictionary.com/ | |
| 1) The act of having to leave one’s present location (house, apartment, yacht, etc) during a social gathering so as to acquire more beer. This typically occurs when the previous supply of beer has run dry, thus necessitating the need to “run out and get some more beer,” i.e. “beer run.” | ||
courtesy: winkpass.com
Yes, as in I’m pushing 50 years old, and this was my first ever beer run.
This was a big deal considering my strained and suspicious relationship with alcohol.
Drinking is bad.
Drinking will make me an alcoholic.
Drinking in front of my kids will contribute to them being alcoholics.
Buying alcohol is embarrassing.
October 23, 2012
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, facing fear, finding freedom, healing, Letting Go, personal growth, PTSD, recovery, Transformation 29 Comments
I don’t think so! There must be at least 1000 shades of grey, and I’m not talking about the book on the New York Times’ best seller list. Having lived a black and white life most of my (ahem, 40+ years) I still sometimes cringe when I think about moving into the ‘grey zone’ of life. I like things to be nice and tidy; up or down, day or night, good or bad, right or wrong. Or at least I think I do. More
September 24, 2012
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, My Journey with God, Personal Growth, Recovery, Trauma abuse survivor, alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, emotional strength, facing fear, finding freedom, PTSD, recovery, Suicidal, trauma 58 Comments
**Warning: This may be triggering, it is graphic.
She stood in the small, tidy kitchen desperate to stop the pain.
The overwhelming fear, loneliness and sadness had painted her into this bleak, dark corner. Something had to change; she could not live this way any longer.
The silence of the empty house was deafening. The heavy odor of cigarettes hung in the air, adding to her already throbbing headache. They would be gone until dinner, still at least an hour away. She had some time to really think, although her options were limited. More
June 26, 2012
Alcoholic Parents, Facing Fear, Trauma alcoholic parents, childhood trauma, facing fear, getting help 9 Comments
We may never know how our acts of kindness impact others. There were acts of kindness I received over the years that served as stepping stones for my very survival. In recent years, I’ve contacted and thanked those I could find. A few were in my life for years, others only moments. Just a few minutes of kindness from one stranger many years ago managed to make a permanent impression on me. More
