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Social Distancing

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Even the Seagulls got the memo.

How are you coping?SeaGulls 031820I’m feeling the disconnect from friends, family, classmates. Seeing the gulls be together, yet be apart, reminded me I can do that too. It’s just looking different for awhile.

Changing the Dial

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Doubt and the tenderness of vulnerability have plagued me for weeks while working hard for a goal I’ve dreamed of for decades.  I rationalized for years why I couldn’t do this. And once I started the process, I’ve thought about throwing in the towel multiple times.  I just didn’t realize until this week the real reason I wanted to quit was to avoid my feelings. Avoidance is sneaky.  It would be so easy, and I can find plenty of justifiable excuses.  In fact, not many would question my decision to give up.

But I’ve discovered I’m willing to fight through these feelings because I have my own voice now. I want to feed my soul and be who I am called to be.

Image result for george eliot quote it's never too late

**Photo credit http://www.saryan.info**

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Taking the Plunge

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Hello 2019!!

Polar Bear Plunge at 35 degrees!!

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Theory Brought to Life

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I’m in awe of a recent experience that brought my classwork alive.

The week before Thanksgiving, a speaker in my class was discussing how children deal with trauma.  She was explaining how the brain works and what needs to happen for them to process trauma.  It was a lot of interesting theory.  Until she said something that really hit home.

“Children need to tell the trauma story over and over and over.  This is how they metabolize, process, and heal from it.” 

One of my most traumatic stories is one that still has an emotional life of its own.  Every time I think about, talk about, or write about this event, the feelings are still incredibly raw.  I thought about how I was never allowed to tell my stories, let alone repeatedly.  In fact, this story remains mostly untold. More

New Chapter

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After a much longer hiatus than planned, I’ve made a commitment to resume blogging.  You have all been so vital to my healing and continued work.  I’ve missed you!  I hope I can give back a fraction of what you give to me.

Last summer I made another commitment that is dramatically changing me. More

Charlie Rose and my Dad

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Thanks to Gayle King, I’m in tears this morning…fresh tears remembering how hard it was to tell someone what Dad had done to me for so many years.  And how similar Charlie Rose is to my Dad.  The power. Oh. My. God. The. Power.  More

It’s going to be beautiful

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Last month I went on a 2500 mile solo camping trip on my motorcycle. I went through 7 states in 6 days.

I was both excited and nervous to go solo, but also determined to face my fears.

It was time for some growth. 

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Turns out I had so much fun, my fears were forgotten, and definitely for naught.  The trip was a confidence booster, and equally important, gave me much needed time for reflection. More

Roller Coaster Ride

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It’s been a roller coaster ride the last 6 months during my blogging sabbatical. Continued growth, awareness, & forgiveness; betrayal; and a surprise!

My decision to back away from blogging and other optional activities was born of necessity. Some important relationships were requiring intensive attention, and I needed to focus on figuring out what my role was in each relationship. It’s never pretty looking in the mirror, but always worth it in the end.

It’s easy to think relationships are strong when times are good.

But when things go awry, you find out what the relationship is really made of.

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Finding My Voice

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***On a blog sabbatical until July 2015***

Keeping secrets, not telling.  The truth was strangled in my throat for so many years.

Once I became strong enough to tell my truth to one, then another, I found increasing healing and empowerment in my words.  Getting the awfulness out in the open helped make the darkness flee.

Over time, telling my truth to safe people strengthened me to be able to speak my truth to anyone -even if they didn’t believe me.

Starting this blog nearly 3 years ago has been such an incredibly important part of me speaking truth in a whole new way.  Recently, I’ve discovered More

Birthdays of My Dad and My Father

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Dad’s birthday is today; gone now nearly 5 years, he would be turning 92.

He hated Christmas.  Apparently his birthday was forgotten every year in the midst of Christmas preparations when he was growing up.  The pain of being forgotten never seemed to leave him.  He would not allow us to put up a tree until his birthday had passed, and even then did so grudgingly.

I know now Dad’s Christmas experience is only a tiny window into his life story. More

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