Doubt and the tenderness of vulnerability have plagued me for weeks while working hard for a goal I’ve dreamed of for decades.  I rationalized for years why I couldn’t do this. And once I started the process, I’ve thought about throwing in the towel multiple times.  I just didn’t realize until this week the real reason I wanted to quit was to avoid my feelings. Avoidance is sneaky.  It would be so easy, and I can find plenty of justifiable excuses.  In fact, not many would question my decision to give up.

But I’ve discovered I’m willing to fight through these feelings because I have my own voice now. I want to feed my soul and be who I am called to be.

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But hearing myself requires changing the dial. Again.  I didn’t realize how devious Station DAD is.  I worked hard to shut that station down years ago.  But the more effort I put in for myself, the louder and clearer station DAD tries coming in again.  Replying with my own voice is a startling contrast to his and is invigorating me to persevere.

“If it’s hard, you’re too stupid.”  I am not stupid, I’m learning.

“If you’re not the best, you’re not good enough.”  I’m so good enough I’m actually good.

Dad died nearly nine years ago, but my new action woke his voice from a long slumber.  By not giving up my dream, I continue to turn down his volume every day.  Now that I’m more aware of whose voice is trying to deter me, I’m more determined than ever to succeed.

Changing the dial from Station DAD to Station ICAN is requiring concentration and willingness to feel hard feelings.  It’s an effort every day, but I’m gaining momentum.

What about you?  What dreams have you postponed or denied?  How did you overcome doubt?