Thanks to Gayle King, I’m in tears this morning…fresh tears remembering how hard it was to tell someone what Dad had done to me for so many years. And how similar Charlie Rose is to my Dad. The power. Oh. My. God. The. Power. Unless you have stood in our shoes, it is nearly impossible to explain how their power follows you. It permeates your life.
It takes years to undo the doing.
Part of the undoing is telling.
Part of the undoing is being believed.
Part of the undoing is being publicly supported.
Watching and listening to Gayle King say today “I am not okay. I’m really struggling…What do you say, when someone you deeply care about has done something that’s so horrible? How do you wrap your brain around that?”
She hit the nail on the head. As a child, how do you wrap your brain around what’s happening to you? As a neighbor, family member, co-worker –how do you wrap your brain around what someone is accusing your neighbor, Dad, or co-worker of?
This is a large part of why people don’t report it, and why others can’t seem to believe it.
But the dam is bursting. I’m guessing there will continue to be more brave people come forward with their stories similar to Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Charlie Rose. One day, though, I think the media and/or the audience will tire of it. They’ll want to move on.
In the meantime, I continue to wonder about one thing. How many of these powerful men have children? Those children lived that fear every day and were the most vulnerable of all. And millions more kids whose dads are not famous, but just as destructive. When will it feel safe for those of us who lived with the Harveys, Kevins, and Charlies to tell our stories?
For many years, my Dad was one of the most powerful men in town. He was the mayor, on the school board, and boss at the largest employer. The small Alaskan village I grew up in was physically isolated, accessible by air and river only. I literally could not run away. The closest town (of 30 people) was 20 miles away through wilderness. The one person I confided in courageously confronted my Dad with disastrous results. He threatened her bodily harm and her husband’s employment. (He was her husband’s boss.) I never confided in anyone again until my 30’s when I was in therapy and lived 2000 miles away from Dad.
People like Charlie Rose and my Dad have a social veneer that most people don’t easily recognize. Those who try casually bringing it up to others are met with responses like “Oh, that’s just Charlie.” In a twisted and ironic way, their very behavior gives them a Teflon coating of protection.
I’m grateful to those men and women who continue coming forward with their stories. I’m also grateful to those like Gayle King who are openly honest about their struggle with mixed emotions while firmly supporting the victims. Her honesty is refreshing and healing.
What about you? How do the recent stories of sexual harassment affect you?
Sep 11, 2018 @ 22:13:00
What a powerful blog post Denise. We really enjoyed this. Education and technology make us feel as though we live in a modern world where things like this don’t exist beneath the surface anymore. But it’s just not true. I’m so proud of these victims for having the strength to face their monsters and expose them for what they are which is just that….Monsters!. And you too Denise. It takes great strength to not only expose them…but to be able to talk about it so that others who are battling this abuse can come forward as well. Sharing this now.
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Nov 03, 2018 @ 09:10:26
Thanks Inion….The tide is turning but there is so much healing and change that needs to come.
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Nov 28, 2017 @ 05:37:24
Thank you so much for sharing. Our society has shrugged its shoulders and excused the behavior for so long it has nearly become a right to these men. Thank God for women coming forward to change our culture! Speaking out will make it harder and harder for these guys to get away with their predatory ways. In doing so, we help to protect the next generation.
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Dec 05, 2017 @ 22:17:17
Yes, the dam is breaking and the tide is turning. It is much needed!!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Amy. xoxo
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Nov 27, 2017 @ 16:09:54
So glad you’re writing about this, Denise. You have to, no matter how many tears spill, because you are empowering yourself with each word. I am angry for you and all the other victims in the world–men, women, children–all of them. I hope one day we can see the end of these kinds of trauma. Until then, keep speaking out! Hugs.
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Dec 05, 2017 @ 22:19:47
You are absolutely right, Kate! I think so many people think “it’s just me” in addition to be terrified of consequences that this #MeToo movement has empowered multiple men and women to speak their stories. I’m guessing this will be looked back on as a time when things finally had a major shift.
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Nov 26, 2017 @ 13:31:28
I was not molested as a child, but my mother was molested by her father for years. The few she told, minimized the whole thing. The powerlessness that pervaded her life is phenomenal. As her child, I was always encouraged to dream small, take whatever I could get. She could not empower me because she was not empowered herself. This type of damage can continue for generations. My sister succumbed, but I did not. I got therapy that my mother and sister would not, and I chose to stand up and be counted. I’m sorry that you’ve had such a horrible beginning. I see how it can take over every decision, and I see that you have overcome your start as much as is possible. I admire that, because I know that it doesn’t have to end that way. Good job!
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Dec 05, 2017 @ 22:25:05
It is so interesting how you were able to separate yourself from your Mom’s story yet your sister could not. Therapy is definitely one of the reasons I’m still standing. I could never have navigated any real recovery without it. The damage definitely shows up for many generations…I am sad for your Mom and your sister, but very glad you had the strength and foresight to pave your own path…albeit a narrow and unbeaten path. It is a lonely one, yet rich with healing and possibility. Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement. xo
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Dec 07, 2017 @ 20:55:33
It makes for a difficult family dynamics. Her trauma is passed on in ways that are subtle and obvious. I live over a 1000 miles away, trying to protect my children from her brutal ways. It’s all pretty sad.
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Nov 22, 2017 @ 12:41:14
Denise,
Thank you for sharing. You courage enable others to have courage too!
Happy Thanksgiving to you!!
Blessings~
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Nov 22, 2017 @ 12:44:52
Thank you Robbie! Safety in numbers, right? 😉
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Nov 22, 2017 @ 12:46:49
So true.
I hate how we don’t realize until years and years later that it’s not the norm. I’m thankful for the ability to share and heal in doing so.
Blessings, my friend!
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Nov 24, 2017 @ 15:54:12
Amen!!
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 14:19:03
I don’t have any severe stories, but I do know, and understand, that it takes courage – and lots of it – to talk about a powerful person abusing you. Nobody wants to believe YOU. Nobody wants to believe that HE could do such a thing. I applaud and support anyone who wants to talk about it, ask for help in healing (do you ever heal? I’m asking because I don’t think you truly can, not from something severe). I think most of us in the country have come to a turning point. The people who support the bad people (including our “president”) should be called out and continually told “this is not right and I won’t stand for it any more.” Bless you, Denise, and all those others who have the courage – or don’t – to face these demons.
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Nov 22, 2017 @ 12:40:52
I agree, Karen. I think the tide is turning -at least for at time, and that is a starting point – to be willing to acknowledge how pervasive this behavior is -and how unacceptable it is. thanks for your support, as always !! xoxo
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 14:09:54
Thank you for sharing your story and your courage, Denise 💛
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Nov 22, 2017 @ 12:41:23
Thanks for your support Val. It means a lot!
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 12:54:53
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. It’s so true that abusers are often ‘protected’ by the victim’s fear of speaking out. It’s just not fair 😦
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 14:02:58
They create a world where they are kings, and their subjects truly are subjects of their control. Awareness is a good step in the right direction…
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 11:05:11
Thank you for this brave post Denise. I am so happy to finally witness the undoing of men who make other people’s lives so difficult and painful. It has been swept under the carpet for way too long. As a psychotherapist, a mother, a female, I am so happy this behavior is receiving the condemnation it deserves and these men are receiving the consequences they deserve. I know that men who have not yet been outed and behaved in this manner are now nervous they may be exposed and I am glad they are nervous. They need to be. Thank you Denise. You have my full admiration and total support.
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 14:01:34
Thanks Cindy. I’m guessing some are nervous, but I think others either don’t recognize themselves as the same, or they they are so narcissistic they think they’ll never get outed. I’m also guessing there are some depraved ones who have made their victims lives even more hell by threatening them if they consider coming forward. It is a bittersweet movement, but so necessary. Thanks for your support and kind words. It always means so much to me.
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 10:56:43
Denise, I think it is more than just a social veneer that people don’t recognize. If we have never known a predator or a controlling person or an alcoholic or someone on welfare or we tend to write off as “couldn’t possibly be like that” anything we hear about them. That makes it even harder for a victim to come forward and be believed. Thank you for stating so clearly how that feels.
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 13:59:06
You are right Esther, some things are just too ‘foreign’ to accept I guess. It definitely impacts people needing to come forward and tell their story.
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 09:20:25
Sending you a big hug. ❤
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 13:57:48
Thanks Paulette!
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 09:09:31
This was so sad to read. I am sorry for what you have gone through. Luckily, I never had to go through something like this. I wish you strenght!
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Nov 21, 2017 @ 13:57:32
Thank you! Stronger every day…
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