Mom said, “Your Dad’s late for dinner because he’s at the bar.” We didn’t have a phone yet, and she said I had to go get him. So, off I went to ask him to come home for dinner. The bar was only about a quarter of a mile from our house, but I wasn’t very eager to get there and took my sweet time.
Summer skies in Alaska are bright and fresh, but inside the bar it was dark and smelly. There were several loud men sitting around the bar and tables; some were playing pool. They only gave a cursory glance when I walked in; a kid in the bar wasn’t unusual. The owners lived upstairs with their family, and the entrance was inside the bar. Kids frequently came and went.
The dim lighting created a heavy mood of oppression and I was very nervous. The stench of stale beer and sweaty men made my skin crawl. I carefully made my way around until I found my dad. He bellowed “What the hell are you doing here?” when he spotted me. My stomach was in a knot by now and I was in a terrible bind. Instinctively, I knew he’d be mad when I said mom sent me, and I felt protective of her. But I didn’t want his wrath directed at me either. I didn’t hesitate long before I cracked and admitted mom sent me to fetch him for dinner.
After a few choice four-letter words he made it clear he’d be leaving only when he was good and ready, and not one minute before. Now I was in another bind. Arrive at home alone and risk mom sending me back, or stick around this disgusting place. I stood there unsure what to do, and Dad must have decided I needed a distraction. He gave me some coins to play music on the jukebox and I chose “Bony Fingers” by Hoyt Axton.
“The clothes need washing and the fire won’t start
Kids all crying and you’re breaking my heart
Whole damned place is falling apart but
Maybe things will get a little better in the morning
Maybe things will get a little better
Work your fingers to the bone and what do you get?
Bony fingers, bony fingers”
I played it so many times I memorized the entire song, though I didn’t understand the grown-up meaning. I think what must have stood out to me was futility. I didn’t know the word then, but I certainly knew the feeling. I remember staring at the jukebox, mesmerized by the mechanics, though not really seeing it either. It was something to do while I waited for Dad to say we could finally leave.
How about you? What songs bring back memories from your childhood?
Jul 30, 2014 @ 05:57:53
Oh my what a heart wrenching post. No wonder that song is emblazoned in your mind.
For me it would be some of the Beatles early songs that we watched on the Ed Sullivan show on our tiny black and white TV.
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Jul 30, 2014 @ 20:04:07
We didn’t have TV when I grew up, so I missed out on all those musical milestones. It must have been really exciting!
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Jul 30, 2014 @ 20:08:41
It seemed like it was another world away but yes very exciting.
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Jul 26, 2014 @ 10:20:00
Just can’t believe what we went through as kids sometimes.
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Jul 21, 2014 @ 06:57:36
That’s a terrible position for a child to be put in. I really felt the pain of what it must have been like. Although I was really taken by the writing, “Summer skies in Alaska are bright and fresh, but inside the bar it was dark and smelly,” etc., it was painful to read this. Much more from this end but suffice it to say, I hear you.
For me what song brings back memories? Hard to pull one specific one up from my memory banks right now.
Hugs.
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Jul 20, 2014 @ 21:29:26
Hello Denise! You visited my blog last year, and I have finally come back to it after taking some time away to heal and process the memories. I love this post of yours. I feel that I am with you, in that dank bar, wishing to be somewhere else, escaping into the music.
A song from my childhood was “How Deep is Your Love.” Like you, I didn’t understand the grown up meaning of the words, but the yearning that came across in the song matched my own yearning for love and understanding. The female parental unit was incapable of love, and I always felt myself on the edge of disappearing from sheer loneliness.
We survived, thank God. I hope you are thriving. I’m working toward thriving myself.
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Jul 22, 2014 @ 08:43:58
I just read your latest post about your birthday -happy belated!
I’m so glad you took the time you needed this last year to heal and grow. These things have a life of their own, and they take time.
I am blessed to say I’m in a thriving chapter, and so grateful for it. Like you, I had to carve out a significant chunk of my life to get here.
Welcome back to the blogging world, and kudos on your journey.
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Jul 22, 2014 @ 15:51:20
Thank you! I am so glad to “hear” that you are in the thriving chapter of your life. I believe I have turned a corner, but I know there is more work for me to do.
Have a wonderful day!
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Jul 19, 2014 @ 17:22:37
Great post and much to think about. I don’t have memories of a specific song. I believe my mother came from a family wherein alcohol played a large part. I can remember her saying time and time again that if she found out any of us were drinking or learned Dad had taken a drink, that individual would be gone immediately. I never knew why alcohol play such an important role in her life but it controlled her to an opposite extreme.
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Jul 17, 2014 @ 19:06:05
My goodness, what a memory to have, and so many of the above comments have similar memories… so sad. I am so very glad you and others have risen to a better place by grace! As for me, one of my strong childhood song memories (waiting or not) is my Dad singing “Chatttanoogo Choo Choo.” If you don’t know it you can hear it here:
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Jul 17, 2014 @ 20:43:12
That’s a great song, Allen!
It made me smile thinking about a dad singing! I really can’t imagine such a thing! ;-0
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 15:40:21
There were many songs…ummm…I would have to say Whatever Will Be Will Be (Que, Sera, Sera) by Doris Day. Mom would sing that all that time. And my dad would sing to me and my sister “You Are My Sunshine” I still get teary eyed!
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 15:03:03
I remember sitting in the car with my older brother waiting for my dad to emerge from the bar. My brother and I often talk about it in a joking way and get very odd looks from people. Sometimes the barmen would come out and give us a drink of water. I guess we thought it was ‘normal’ until we got older. We used to listen to Lola – it was my brothers favorite ‘waiting’ song 😉
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 09:40:49
The song I remember is also from a bar while my mother bartended was Snowbird by Anne Murray. I wanted to spread my tiny wings and fly away . Thank you for sharing
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:30:30
That is a great song, Carol. I used to want to fly away, too.
Thanks for stopping by today.
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 20:42:44
My aunt playing Elvis Presley singing Blue Suede Shoes over and over and over.
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:31:21
That sounds like a fun memory! Elvis songs have a life of their own, don’t they?
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 19:24:36
Cracklin Rose by Neil Diamond Always made me cry, but I never knew why. Still don’t know, but it doesn’t bother me anymore.
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:32:19
Ah, Neil Diamond! Maybe you listened to it enough to process whatever was lingering…
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 19:20:03
Denise, I continue to be impressed with your ability to pull these awful memories out of the past, examine them for the ugly things they are, and pull us all into feelings of compassion for you as a little girl. I hope in doing this, the power of these memories to hurt you is dissipating and your are healing, one little memory at a time.
Hymns we sang in Sunday School are what take me back to my childhood as much as anything. Oh, then there are the theme songs from the Mickey Mouse Club TV show and Bonanza. I’m dating myself!
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:33:29
Hi Elizabeth, we didn’t have TV when I was growing up so I never watched the shows you mentioned but I can see how they’d be imprinted. My hubby talks about Bonanza with fond memory!
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 18:59:58
This makes me think of all the times that I sat in a hot car waiting for my dad to come out of a bar. I don’t know where my mother thought we were Oh the stories we could tell, huh? So sorry that you have had to experience a similar bar room memory. Coincidentally my husband just mentioned that song, “Boney Fingers” today!!!! I called him in here to read the words you posted because it was just way too weird that I have heard of that song twice in one day.
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:36:44
That sounds awful waiting in a hot car…
So funny your husband mentioned Bony Fingers! What are the odds ???
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 17:47:37
Hi Denise,
It is so disgusting that parents forget their basic responsibility of giving care, good environment and love to their children. May be they have their own definitions but the one you faced is so heartbreaking.
It hurts more when such memories keep coming back and they do become more prominent as we grow up, as we start understanding the world better. This is a good way to throw them out of your system…keep writing.
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:37:24
Such good advice, Balroop -to keep writing. That has been so helpful in processing and purging.
Thank you!
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 13:08:48
So many songs trigger memories in my mind, especially those from the seventies. It’s funny how a song can instantly transport you back. Unfortunately, your memory trip was not so pleasant for you. 😦 Tough for a child to be put in that spot.
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:38:26
It’s so true…smells and songs…they can transport us in an instant!
Nice to hear from you Carrie! Hope you are enjoying your summer.
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 11:22:41
Big hugs to you. I have songs that bring up the past too. I think you should write a novel too…xo
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:39:52
Hi there! Thanks for the encouragement on a novel. I am actually in the process of writing one! I’m getting more and more excited as it is coming together. One day I’ll post an excerpt -I’ll look forward to your suggestions and comments!
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 14:56:47
Woo Hoo! I am so proud of you! Keep writing! I can’t wait to hear all about it ~ and read it!
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 09:06:58
Wow Denise.
That must have been hard. My father drank a lot too and we had many crazy experiences, though I don’t have music I associate with them, for which I’m grateful because music is very powerful for me evoking feelings, even when I don’t understand the words.
May we keep healing, forgiving and learning how to love more. blessings, Brad
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:40:51
Right on, Brad! Healing, forgiving, and loving…. the best ways to bust through the ‘bad stuff’.
Thanks for stopping by!
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 16:03:37
my pleasure…
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 08:53:38
Oh my goodness, my heart aches for little-girl-you. I agree with lucinda408 up there. You should write a memoir; there are so many lessons in your experiences, as heart-rending as they are.
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:42:46
Thanks Diane! My little girl me is getting more and more healed every day.
As for the novel…I am actually in the process of writing one! I’m so excited about it. I get side-tracked with little rabbit trails as I do research and figure out details so it’s been very time consuming but I have the general story written out. Just needs more details and backstory to fill in.
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 08:22:13
Aww a tough thing for a kid to deal with. (((HUGS)))
Diana xo
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:43:01
Thank you Diana.
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Jul 15, 2014 @ 08:18:00
Hi friend, long time without enjoying your writings, hope you have been well. Consider writing a novel , I think your stories and your writing are intriguing
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Jul 16, 2014 @ 13:44:15
Hi Lucinda! Funny you suggesting a novel…that is a lot of the reason I’ve been out of the loop in the blogging world. I am actually working on a novel!
Thank you so much for your encouragement on that. 🙂
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Jul 18, 2014 @ 06:56:06
Very good! Looking forward to your first novel!
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