Following a 14-year absence, my husband and I went to Alaska to visit my mom last year. Dad had passed away in those years, while I’d still been estranged. His passing allowed me the freedom to return to my roots and rescue my younger self in a very tangible way.
As part of my healing, I brought some rocks to leave behind.
For me, rocks symbolize strength and power.
Think David and Goliath, Alcatraz, Stonehenge, the Pyramids.
My rocks were that important to me. They would declare my presence, my survival; even after I departed once again.
Fingering them on the plane brought a sense of peace as I visualized this next leg of my journey. Three rocks with no particular significance, yet they held the power of reclamation.
As we stepped out of the Anchorage terminal to our car rental, I relished the satisfying crunch of the powdery snow underfoot. It was a tangible reminder of home, something I constantly miss even though I don’t want to move back. It’s a strange conundrum, missing something I don’t want.
Alaska is in my blood.
Though I’ve lived in Washington longer than I lived in Alaska I still feel the longing of home at times. The wide open space, crisp clean air, and slower pace of life beckon me. It is ingrained.
We left the airport to deliver my rocks before heading to mom’s house. I had some serious business to settle. I was going to take back something that had been stolen from me. The rocks symbolized the stronger Washington me, coming back to reclaim the young Alaskan me. There were three locations I needed to mark; each having to do with a single horrific event.
Dad had some accomplices in this life-altering event. As I set my rocks down at each place, I told these men what I thought of them and what they did to me.
I said I was strong enough to take care of myself now. I informed them they no longer have the power to hurt me and I was not afraid of them anymore. I had a lengthy, albeit one-sided, conversation with the remaining living accomplice –right in front of his prior residence. It was incredibly empowering.
Setting foot on the soil of so much pain somehow divided the pain yet multiplied my strength.
I felt renewed, reborn. I was back, on my own terms, and no one could ever take me to that place of powerlessness, fear, or fragility again.
My rocks remain, silently declaring my reclamation.
How about you? How have you reclaimed something from your past?
Apr 24, 2014 @ 14:35:48
I honor your journey. ♡
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Apr 19, 2014 @ 20:42:18
Well-done.
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Apr 09, 2014 @ 19:01:45
That really is a powerful story. The Natives in this part of the North America call rocks our grandfathers. They are the oldest of earth’s beings, and so give us much wisdom and strength. It seems to me you experienced something of that.
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Apr 10, 2014 @ 06:36:38
Yes, I think I did too, Allen. I’ve never heard that before -about rocks being the grandfathers. I like how it fits with my reclamation, and how they represented strength to me.
Thanks so much for sharing it.
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Apr 07, 2014 @ 14:58:16
What an amazingly powerful way to address those past painful abuses!
Thank you, so much for sharing, Denise.
You Rock! 🙂
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Apr 07, 2014 @ 16:52:55
And thank you, too, Joe for your support!
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Apr 07, 2014 @ 07:17:06
Very empowering. I saw some very important things while reading it. The reclaiming of one’s energy, vitality, boundary violations and how they create cellular memory, a re-shifting of energy. It was really good for me to read. Very pleased for you.
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Apr 07, 2014 @ 16:52:20
Thanks, Paulette. It was a life-giving experience. I’m glad it struck a chord with you.
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 18:41:57
excellent post.
thank you: dianasschwenk
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 11:53:35
Another visitor from Diana, and wow. Your reclamation process with the rocks is so powerful. This is one of those things that will just stay with me. You are brave and courageous.
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 15:20:20
Hi Bonnie, that’s so much for coming over from Diana. She is a kind and generous blogger!
Your words of encouragement are a blessing to me. Thank you so much!
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 10:30:03
Hi Denise, Diana sent me – I’m so grateful that she did. This is moving and uplifting. Just as the rocks that you carried and laid are symbols to reclaim the the past, they have become part of the foundation of this chapter of your life. There is something powerful in the earth beneath us. Val x
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 10:32:36
Hi Val, thank you so much for swinging by from Diana’s awesome blog!
I like what you said about the foundation… that’s a good visual for me.
Just visited your blog, too, and found your amazing ‘spring cleaning’ list. Wise and wonderful words!
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 07:05:13
Holy smokes. Powerful. I hope your sense of peace remains with you forever.
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 07:54:07
Thanks, Robin. Me too.
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 06:18:41
WOW!
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 07:57:58
Thanks for stopping by Rashieda. I’m headed over to browse your blog now!
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 20:25:09
Diana sent me Your post was profound and all I can say is I can relate!
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 04:28:43
Diana sent me! You are wonderful.
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 07:56:49
Welcome! Diana is awesome! Thanks for stopping by! I’m headed over to see your blog now, too!
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Apr 04, 2014 @ 04:08:22
Apr 03, 2014 @ 12:34:52
You reminded me of the affinity I have for rocks. It’s time to get back to nature; there’s a power there I’m needing. And the power of ritual – how brave and creative of you. Your healing, your way.
I don’t have to tell you that you couldn’t have chosen a better name for your blog. Thank you for all you share.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 13:31:18
Good for you, Denise! Back to the basics and reclaim some of that dormant power you have.
Thanks for your support -it’s always appreciated.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:30:56
Beautiful way to gather your strength and make it lasting. So glad it has given you added peace.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:38:00
Thanks, Sheri. It was very important in processing that event and giving some closure to it.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 08:46:00
Hi Denise, Great way to ritualize your healing and empower yourself. I’m happy for you, blessings, Brad
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:37:20
It was very empowering, Brad. It’s amazing what a few little rocks can do. 🙂
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 17:59:05
🙂
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 07:42:25
Sounds like this was very cathartic. Kudos to you for being able to make that personal journey.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:36:34
It was very cathartic, Carrie. Such a release!
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 07:33:35
Amazing! I’m glad it’s all behind you now…
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:35:44
Me too, Susie, me too.
Hope you thaw out soon in Colorado!
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:51:53
It’s been seasonably warm, but we woke to 6 inches of the white stuff! It will probably melt by the end of the day… 🙂
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 06:49:10
You are so incredibly strong. I love your connection to rocks, and how you used them to help you heal. Thank you for your courage, you are an inspiration.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:35:12
Thanks, Kate! I think that’s why I loved the scene in “Forrest Gump” so much when Jenny threw rocks at her childhood home. It really spoke to me.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 04:28:55
My heart goes out to you. Your strength is an example for others and how we all can move forward from the unpleasant, even awful experiences in our lives. Denise, blessings to you and all you symbolize! xo Joanne
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:24:58
That’s a great observation, Joanne -we can choose to move forward despite our histories. Thanks for mentioning that part!
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 04:11:13
How proud I am of you ~ how much I am inspired by you ~ how grateful I am to you for leading the way for so many people who have been hurt. I’m sending big healing hugs to you. ♥
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:24:12
Thanks, Mifusa!! Loving the hugs 🙂
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 03:48:02
I have been hurt myself and have had to “reclaim what was taken” Thank you for your post.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:23:25
Hi Rachel, I’m so glad you were able to reclaim what was taken, too. It’s such an important part of healing and moving forward.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 03:36:51
What a great way to reclaim your life! Great post, Denise.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:22:27
Thanks Karen! It has been very powerful!
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Apr 02, 2014 @ 22:26:18
This is such an empowering and courageous idea, Denise! I hope that others who read this and need to reclaim their power will imitate your beautifully symbolic experience. You are an inspiration to survivors everywhere!
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:19:34
Hi Laura, thanks for your encouragement! I hope my story gives others the hope for reclamation, too! It was a very healing experience.
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Apr 02, 2014 @ 21:47:06
Raw. Powerful. Courageous. Thank you for sharing your reclamation story.
Diana xo
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:18:38
Thanks, Diana. It’s another step of healing to share it.
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Apr 02, 2014 @ 21:38:34
Hi Denise,
I am amazed at your emotional resilience…you are so right, attachments with the place, where we spend our most impressionable years is so strong that we keep yearning about it…we may move to a better place, a better home but those memories keep hounding us!
I am so happy for you that you visited the place that is so dear to your heart despite murkier times you have overcome and there couldn’t have been a better way to stay connected yet earning your freedom. I hope you are feeling much better as the tone of this post clearly states.
Lovely post! Thanks for sharing.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:18:14
Hi Balroop,
Yearning…yes that’s it exactly!
Revisiting those places of difficult memories was very healing, and I have grown considerably since my visit.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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Apr 02, 2014 @ 20:46:21
What a touching story! I’m glad you were able to do this as part of your healing. I have reclaimed my self-esteem; my self-worth because my Mom and then my now dead ex-husband took that from me. It has been a long process, but now I have faith in me and don’t need anyone to validate who I am. Although it does help to have people recognize my strength, I don’t ‘need’ that. If that makes sense?
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 08:40:43
Ruth…you say you have faith in you and don’t need anyone to validate who you are. I’m going to have to think on that for a while. I’ve had faith in myself for a long time now but miss the validation from those closest to me. Maybe my faith in myself makes me look strong and in need of nothing. But there is always the fear that I don’t receive validation because I don’t deserve it. Obviously that’s something I need to work on. Thank you for saying that, it has helped me identify what I’m struggling with.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:29:26
I love how you connected with Ruth’s comment, Esther! Sometimes I don’t know what I’m feeling either, until someone else says it for me! Thank you so much for sharing that connection here.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 12:58:45
I think what I was trying to say is that for such a big part of my life, I needed other people to tell me I was a good person, but now I know that deep in my soul and don’t need other people to tell me. In fact, what others think of me isn’t as important as what I think of me.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:16:47
Hi Ruth, yes, I think I understand what you mean. Having other people recognize our strengths can be the ‘frosting’ rather than the cake -so to speak.
Your journey of reclamation sounds very powerful and inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing it here.
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Apr 02, 2014 @ 20:40:29
Wow, that is some powerful stuff right there! I feel stronger just having read this. Glad you took this healing journey.
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Apr 03, 2014 @ 09:15:36
Thanks, Diane 🙂 Me too!
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