Once again, an ignorant comment about rape is in the news.
Disbelief rose as an offensive headline jumped out at me recently. “India crime chief causes outrage with ‘If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it’ comment.”
According to a EuroNews report, Ranjit Sigha –the chief of India’s equivalent to our FBI – made a comment last week during a conference about illegal sports betting and the need to legalize gambling to make revenue from it. “If you cannot enforce the ban on betting, it is like saying ‘If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.’” Now he’s crying foul, saying his words were taken out of context. Even if they were, the fact that someone in charge of sexual assault investigations would use such an analogy is outrageous and unacceptable.
To even entertain the idea that being raped is like betting or any other illegal behavior that is hard to enforce is insolent at best.
It reminded me of an insulting remark about “legitimate rape” made by Representative Todd Akin from Missouri last year. He found himself in hot water following his absurd statements during an interview. The discussion was about abortion, but that’s not what grabbed my attention.
After being asked about his stance on abortion, he was making the point that he is opposed to it including instances of rape. Agree, or disagree, that’s not my focus. Here is a partial quote that gets to my purpose:
“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Mr. Akin said of pregnancies from rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.’ ”
Really? Legitimate Rape? This would be opposed to what? Maybe “Oh, he was drunk and didn’t mean it?” Or, “Well, she was asking for it.” Or even “It’s not really rape when you’re related.” Apparently a legitimate rape is only when it’s a stranger in a dark alley.
Does anyone really believe a woman’s egg can actually tell the difference between a rapist’s sperm and a lover’s sperm? This mindset and type of comment is incomprehensible.
Unfortunately for Mr. Akin, his foolish logic about pregnancy and rape was broadcast for all to hear and see.
Even more unfortunately, there are far too many people who think along these lines.
It’s not just men who are in denial about this. Whoopi Goldberg famously insisted the rape of a then-13 year-old girl by then-45 year-old film director Roman Polanski “wasn’t rape-rape”. She inferred that because the girl didn’t scream and yell and throw punches it wasn’t rape. No, he only got the girl drunk and gave her drugs to make her less resistant.
Apparently that wasn’t legitimate rape, either.
We don’t want to say the “R” word because it’s dirty, shameful, a hot button.
It’s bad enough that women raped by strangers in dark alleys are too often judged and don’t receive the support they need. But, when it’s someone the victim knows; yes even a family member, what does that say about our society when we just look the other way because it’s uncomfortable?
It’s past time for us all to move beyond the barriers of shame, secrecy and ignorance. Sexual violence is far too common. It’s not enough to be outraged for a day, a week, or even a few months. We can put our outrage into action. One way is to consider your own vocabulary. Call it what it is. Rape.
What are your thoughts about the “R” word?
Dec 01, 2013 @ 09:37:23
Denise – You are so right on target with Rape being rape and yet how often our criminal justice system sweeps it under the carpet. When Congress decided to allow the military to ‘police’ their own sexual assault cases instead of having investigations conducted by teams outside of military command, that set women in the military (and men also) back at least 50 and maybe 100 years. As for Tod Akin, Rep from Missouri, well I wonder has he ever been raped. My guess is that he’s never known fear, never looked it in the eye and heaven forbid he should have to look it in the eye of someone that is stronger than he is and know he hasn’t a chance of calling out for help.
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Dec 01, 2013 @ 10:43:22
The military definitely regressed in a serious way by having the fox watch the henhouse so to speak.
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Nov 23, 2013 @ 17:50:29
Incredible. Just incredible. Makes me want to force something up his rear end and say ‘now enjoy it’.
Good post, Denise. So much slips the mainstream consciousness by.
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Nov 24, 2013 @ 07:01:10
Seriously…how can someone even consider the possibility of enjoying such a heinous act? However, I know he’s not alone, because the comment is so similar to things one of my abuser used to say it really got my hackles up immediately when I read it.
Thanks, Noeleen.
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Nov 20, 2013 @ 17:34:49
So very well said, Denise!
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Nov 22, 2013 @ 08:57:10
Thank you, I appreciate your support very much.
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Nov 20, 2013 @ 04:47:38
Hi Denise…You are so right, a rape is a rape…no excuses or interpretations can change that a pervert, who fails to understand and respect girls and women tries to hide behind all sorts of explanations needs to be publicly flogged and hanged. My blood boils when I hear of such men who dare to touch a woman against her wishes.
So far as India is concerned, these chiefs and politicians think that women should remain at their mercy….very old, orthodox, sick mindset which is incorporated by our women and society only. Even now in 80% of India, girl child is considered a burden, sold by parents due to penury, pushed into flesh trade and treated as second rate child. You must have heard of female infanticide, the heinous crime which even laws have failed to curb.
Only stern and exemplary punishment can rid our society of such an outrageous crime as rape.
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Nov 20, 2013 @ 05:17:46
Thank you for sharing your insight here, Balroop. I have heard of female infantcide and it makes me sick.
The domino effect of this mindset is staggering -it has got to change!
I’m so glad you took the time to deepen my understanding of India’s societal views. The more educated we all are, the better our chances of making a difference.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 19:37:33
I couldn’t agree with you more. Well said.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 19:48:17
Thank you, Allen. I appreciate your support and taking time to say so.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 16:56:53
Denise you couldn’t have said it any better and Fandina put an exclamation point on it!!! Great post!
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 19:47:54
Thank you, Arlene! It’s a touchy subject most people don’t want to get too involved with. I appreciate your comments.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 12:13:35
Yes! Well stated, Denise!
‘legitimate rape’…’real abuse’…’physical violence’…
When we see qualifiers put on terms of this sort, it should act as a red flag alerting us that the speaker/writer has little or no experience, training, or discernment on the topic.
Call it what it is…and drop the qualifiers!
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 12:48:22
Thanks, Joe. Sometimes it makes me wonder how much is ignorance, lack of education, or if something more sinister lurks underneath. It makes the hair on my neck bristle.
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Nov 20, 2013 @ 06:23:48
My guess would be both. From a physical human viewpoint, many people simply fail to understand out of ignorance and a skewed perspective. But then there are those for whom the ignorance is clearly willful ignorance…they’ve had the opportunity to recognize and name evil for what it is, yet persist in downplaying it.
And then, there is the spiritual realm…and the kingdom of darkness would love nothing more than for the Christian church to continue to downplay and deny the existence of evil in their midst…
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Nov 20, 2013 @ 07:18:55
The spiritual piece is a very real and important one, Joe. I couldn’t agree more that the church’s willingness to deny this type of evil exists right inside the doors creates a major burden to righting the wrongs.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 08:14:11
Very well put. Rape is a crime and the term legitimate rape is just plain offensive.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 12:46:18
Yes, seriously offensive -and incredibly ignorant.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Kathy.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 04:11:46
Ugh, absolutely disgusting. Love your article, Denise. If only those idiots could read your words!
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 07:25:24
Thank you, Kate. Sadly, I doubt they’d really understand how demented their thinking is, even if it were pointed out to them directly. I appreciate your comments and support.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 04:05:00
Sickening. I still cannot believe that there are so many dinosaurs, so many ignorant people.
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Nov 18, 2013 @ 07:23:59
It really is sickening and ignorant. Thanks for your support, Karen.
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Nov 17, 2013 @ 14:39:11
Great essay! Truthful! You make me think… I’m amazed at all the various and differing “opinions” on what “rape is”, and what “rape isn’t”. Honesty, right and wrong, use to be such clear-cut issues. Has distinguishing between right and wrong really become that difficult for us? Apparently it is; this is not good.
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Nov 17, 2013 @ 15:24:37
Hi Rich -it seems to be an unfortunate reality that distinguishing between right and wrong is becoming more gray as the days go by. I agree it’s not a good thing.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I always appreciate hearing from you.
(Hope your neck/back issues are still improving, too)
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Nov 17, 2013 @ 14:20:50
rape 1 |rāp|
noun
the crime, committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with him without their consent and against their will, esp. by the threat or use of violence against them.
Not sure how that definition can be interpreted as any thing other than what it is.
Rape is rape…there are no degrees, no exceptions, no qualifiers.
Given the comments from people in power, does that also mean that a girl of 8 in a brothel isn’t raped, simply because she may receive a pittance as payment?
It’s disgusting that this sort of attitude is still around. Breaks my heart for all those who’ve ever suffered rape to have to hear these words and fight against this attitude.
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Nov 17, 2013 @ 15:21:50
Amen to all you said, Susannah. A change of attitude is long overdue.
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Nov 19, 2013 @ 16:18:03
Well said to both of you!
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Nov 19, 2013 @ 18:39:33
Thank you, Paulette…
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