“The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.”
~John Maynard Keynes
Ideas tend to wrap themselves so deeply into our psyches, they affect our lives on a daily basis. Many of these ideas are simply playing in the background; we aren’t even aware of them.
It can come as a shock when someone says something contrary to our comfortable idea. We might push their idea away as crazy, foolish, ridiculous, or even offensive. But, what if…. by some chance, their idea is just as worthwhile as our own? Different, but valid. Are we strong enough to contemplate their perspective?
My black and white perspective always had me on the defensive when someone had a different idea than mine.
I had to disprove them at all costs, because I needed my idea to be right. This was very destructive, but I was still operating on a survival mentality and didn’t even know it.
As I continue to heal, forgive, and move forward I am increasingly tolerant of new ideas. I may still disagree, but I have grown to enjoy hearing other perspectives. Sometimes it solidifies my original thought, sometimes it modifies it, and yes there have been times when they’ve changed my mind.
I’ve learned it’s okay to listen, consider, and respond – as opposed to interrupt, argue, and react.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
~Leo Tolstoy
I used to take pride in being told I should have been a lawyer because of how much I liked to argue. I thought it was a compliment because most of the praise I received as a child from dad was for disrespecting people. It never occurred to me that people were trying to tell me I was abrasive, rude, or mean. As my awareness has grown, so has my embarrassment. I ‘get it’ now, and it bites. I don’t need to change the world, I need to change myself. Luckily I have been blessed with a forgiving husband and kids who have stood by me as I’ve walked the plank of recovery and growth. It hasn’t been pretty, but it’s looking better!
It’s my goal to never regain the original dimensions of my small mind. I’m looking forward to being introduced to new ideas for the rest of my life!
Jun 22, 2013 @ 07:06:33
Arguing is something I was exceptional at as well. Giving that up is a daily process. Fortunately its not as fulfilling as it once was, I have gotten filled up with many other things spiritual. Letting love in instead, giving it.. One of the things I still have to do though, when my thoughts are tempting me to open my mouth is to repeat…get outta here, go away! As many times as needed. My challenge is in not speaking up, unless asked, and the world seems to be managing fine without my feedback.
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Jun 22, 2013 @ 11:15:16
😉 I can relate…it was a bit humbling when I realized everyone did just fine without my advice and know-it-all feedback~!!
Thanks for stopping by, Marsella! Good to hear from you !!
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Jun 19, 2013 @ 10:05:46
Great post. I think being open to new ideas helps you to see yourself better or in a different way. It’s part of personal growth.
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Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:42:06
That’s a good point, Kathy. Thanks for sharing!
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Jun 18, 2013 @ 20:56:50
Great post! I’ve learned to love different ideas because they force me to examine my own; sometimes to refine, sometimes to discard, and sometimes to affirm.
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Jun 18, 2013 @ 21:36:29
That’s been my same experience now that I’ve allowed myself to be open to new ideas.
Thanks, Allen!
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Jun 17, 2013 @ 20:18:45
Definitely seems that we learn more about this topic and all its value as we become older and, hopefully, wiser. Attitude plays a huge roll in how quickly, or slowly we expand our minds and consider what other treasures people “bring to the table”. Check out: Lord, change my attitude by James MacDonald.
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Jun 17, 2013 @ 22:31:47
Thanks for the book recommendation, Karen. I’ll be sure to look it up.
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Jun 17, 2013 @ 11:01:06
Wish I had a mental vacuum cleaner for my resistive thoughts. Another really great post. 🙂
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Jun 17, 2013 @ 14:59:33
A vacuum is a great idea, Paulette! Now I wish I had one, too!
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Jun 13, 2013 @ 16:25:27
This is a great post and interesting topic, Denise. (As usual with you).
I was in my 30’s before I realized I was narrow minded. I was agreeable on the outside and quietly prideful on the inside – a very toxic combination. My poor husband. Now we can laugh at our early fights. My goodness, you’d think I was fighting for my life.
My immature and black/white nature was born out of fear and trauma, and was an attempt to be safe. As soon as I started releasing the fear and took responsibility for my mistakes, I naturally became open to being wrong. Being free from my need to be right, what a liberating relief!
Thanks for always inspiring the best in all of us. Hugs to you…
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Jun 13, 2013 @ 19:36:09
Taking responsibility for our own fears is such an important part of moving forward. It’s a tough one! Thanks for always sharing such powerful and important pieces of your life, Lori!
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Jun 13, 2013 @ 06:23:13
Maybe it’s from growing up among a crop of Disney princesses, but I’ve always had this idea that my support, love, or affection could change someone. It wasn’t until I found a man willing to take the time to know me enough to argue with me and hold his ground that I started to realize I had no right to try and change anyone else, when I had so many hangups, myself.
Listening is key, Denise, as you say. Listening to others and to ourselves. Some new ideas will be scary, counter-intuitive, maybe even the wrong ideas for us, at that time, in that situation. But coming to know ourselves and our own habits better will help us recognize when to listen and act, and when to just take it all in. 🙂
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Jun 13, 2013 @ 08:47:07
That’s so true, Mayumi! Thanks for sharing such great insight!
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Jun 13, 2013 @ 00:37:58
Listening to each other is a good place to start I’d say as we heal ourselves and our world around us. I’m not sure where this is from – heard it from Wayne Dyer – “When choosing between being kind and being right, always choose kind.” -may not be exact.
Blessings to you –
You are an inspiration.
Love,
Laurie
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Jun 13, 2013 @ 05:43:42
Love that quote, Laurie! It’s perfect! Thank you for sharing it and for your encouragement.
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 20:12:43
Looks like we’ve had pretty similar beginnings and have made the choice to find a new way of looking at the world. It isn’t as hard as it looks, because after the initial work begins, liberation begins to follow. And that feels good.
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 20:58:28
That’s such a great attitude and truth!!
Thank you so much for sharing that nugget!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 17:14:53
I can be a bit bull-headed at times, but I do TRY to consider others’ ideas and perspectives. I try harder since the last husband I had was an “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right” sort of guy. If we disagreed on something, he’d peck and peck and peck at me until I said, “Uncle!” So annoying. So I try not to do that to others. I’ve had ideas flung at me that I at first thought, “You crazy, witch!” But then, given time, I consider, weigh, toss it about, and sometimes that other person is right! I really like the Tolstoy quote – really alot. Another great post, D.
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 19:07:46
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Karen.
You always have something wonderful to add! Glad you liked Tolstoy, too!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 17:02:38
Thank you so much for the inspiration.
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 19:04:38
Thanks for stopping by, Kristin!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 17:02:07
i agree so much with this. thinking out of the box has enabled me to move on when crippled by tradition or societal restrictions. great post
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 19:04:20
That’s a good way to put it -crippled- it gives me such a great visual.
Thanks for your comments!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 15:58:35
This really is a great post! I feel the same too. I look back on some decisions I made in the past and have not been proud of them. i guess they were mistakes. I try to learn from other’s mistakes as well. I think if we change ourselves for the better, we can, somehow, make the world a better place.
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 16:07:04
Mistakes….I guess those are learning opportunities, right? 😉
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for choosing to make the world a better place!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 15:09:28
Relate with this one. Just this last week, I watched a TED video on love, a talk on tolerance but the guy, an incredible speaker, addressed it in a new way, acceptance. Boy did that open my eyes, and hopefully my head. I saw how that all the times I want to change something about someone I’m lacking tolerance for them, making a statement, you’re not okay. That was a real rude awakening. Now, I’m having a go at just watching thoughts that come up without acting on them, because who the hell am I to want to change anyone. Not talking about actions that harm and I have some involved responsibility in. Talking about someone’s nature, personality. ‘Nuf blah blah for me but yours hit a nerve, in a good way. Paulette
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 16:03:39
Hi Paulette, that is the tricky thing for me: listen and don’t react.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 15:04:06
I always have choices. I can choose to use words and labels that remind me I am no longer a victim. Being stressed about problems, and compulsively problem-solving, doesn’t solve them. I can look at a situation, fix it or not, and focus on something more fun and proactive. Stress shows up as adrenaline and cortisol; I feel better (sometimes) when I do what reduces them. Deep breaths make me a nicer person. I don’t have to get incensed about stuff. I like your blog (but I already knew that one!).
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 16:00:37
Isn’t it great when we can realize we are no longer victims? !!! So glad you are finding ways to not be triggered, Diane!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 14:52:18
It can often be hard to accept new ideas or to really embrace them, for so many reasons. It’s amazing how that undercurrent of belief can sway how we hear what others are saying. Before I read your post, I had just read another with this quote: “all things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth”. I haven’t decided how it applies to me quite yet, but it feels very deep and it came back to mind when I read your post. Somewhat related, I think, to what you expressed as the ‘need to be right’ at certain times to preserve ourselves. It is definitely a good sign when we grow to where we can set aside power and seek truth as much as possible….not an easy one!
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Jun 12, 2013 @ 15:51:35
Sheri, I like what you said about “it feels very deep”. Sometimes something will hit me the same way, and I know there’s more than meets my eye in the moment, and I must come back to it.
Your perspectives are always profound and inspiring, it’s always good to hear from you!
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