Heather Kopp’s book “Sober Mercies” is so much more than the courageous story of a woman facing her demons.
She weaves her story of childhood experiences and adult choices in a vulnerable and honest telling. She doesn’t play the victim card, but rather takes us through her journey of recognizing what led her to her downfall and why faith alone wasn’t enough to save her from alcohol.
Heather also powerfully and purposefully addresses what many in the church sweep under the carpet; Christians harshly judging each other for admitting to struggles like addiction. In a refreshing display of transparency, Heather reveals how her faith took a serious hit when she finally admitted to having a drinking problem.
Her story of a life as a Christian addict in recovery is inspiring, and no doubt will give many people in the church permission to admit Christians have the same struggles as non-Christians. But what I appreciated most from “Sober Mercies” was something far different, a gift really.
I’ve never read a book before that gave me such an intimate glimpse into the mind of an alcoholic. Sure, I’ve read the clinical descriptions, and my childhood was spent watching my parents live out alcoholism. But I’ve never understood, or probably even considered, what it must be like on the other side of addiction. Heather gave me a window into what may have been going on inside my parent’s minds as they drank their way through my childhood.
Without mincing any words; Heather describes the gradual descent from enjoying a glass of wine, to using it as a coping mechanism, to the eventual requirement for alcohol to always be center stage –albeit a hidden star. Though I realize no one make a conscious choice to be an addict, my resentment always left me feeling like my parents chose alcohol over me. I’ve now been given the opportunity to consider the possibility maybe it wasn’t quite so clear cut.
Heather speaks to the effects alcoholism had on her mothering. She is, at times, incredulous at how much danger her choices created for her boys. When she was drinking, she either didn’t realize she was making a bad choice, or she justified it. Now, she acknowledges the damage it did to her marriage and her kids. This gave me pause to hope my mom also has regret about her choices. It’s never far from my mind; wondering if she remembers the dangers she put me in.
Being parented by alcoholics gave me plenty of motivation not to become addicted to anything. As a child, I thought all I had to do was not consume anything addicting. Such a childish concept didn’t stop me from actually trying things, however. When I was about 9 or 10, I snuck out between the wood shed and the fuel shed and lit up a smuggled Lucky Strike. (I don’t miss the irony now, recognizing it was indeed Lucky I didn’t start a fire.) I thought for sure I’d cough my lungs out then, but by golly I gave smoking another few tries over the years; even hiding up a tree in the cemetery once. I knew how to mix drinks at an early age, and drank in middle school a few times with a neighbor girl. In high school, I got drunk twice, and it was then the light bulb went on. I became very aware of the dangerous path I’d unexpectedly landed on. I was reminded of my earlier resolution not to become an addict and I stopped drinking.
I plowed through life feeling like I’d dodged the addiction bullet because I didn’t drink, do drugs or even drink coffee. Nope, I was better than that. I chose not to become an addict. Little did I realize my behavior actually mimicked that of an addict. The difference was I was addicted to control, work, and food.
Heather writes about the “alcoholism is a disease” controversy. I’ll admit I have always been one to bristle at this description. As she acknowledges, calling it a disease can give the impression that the alcoholic has no responsibility for the addiction. As if they are helpless victims who should only be given compassion for their unfortunate fate. It infuriated me when people talked about alcoholics having a disease. They got off the hook, while I got left with the consequences. As I read Heather’s view, it gave me another perspective to consider. It is true, the physiological component cannot be ignored. I am not fully convinced it’s a disease –as I would define disease – but I am now more open-minded about the concept.
“Sober Mercies” isn’t just about alcoholism, or even about addiction. It’s about personal growth; taking responsibility for our own lives; being honest with ourselves, each other, and God; forgiveness of self and others; and above all it’s about Hope. She summed it up beautifully on page 63 saying “…I left that (meeting) knowing I’d found something infinitely more important than answers. And that was hope.”
I would recommend this book for anyone struggling with their marriage, job, parenting, faith, addictions of any kind, resentment, or if you love someone struggling with these issues.
Heather writes from the heart, and she touched mine.
Visit Heather at http://www.soberboots.com.
Click to read an excerpt on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.
Jul 13, 2013 @ 22:44:53
Great review here. Especially as it’s relevant to you, your childhood. This sounds a very worthwhile read indeed.
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Jul 14, 2013 @ 10:12:09
Thanks, Noleen. It was very insightful for me.
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Jun 10, 2013 @ 14:07:10
Nicely done: you’ve summarized, critiqued, and invited. Sounds like a great book.
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Jun 10, 2013 @ 14:17:26
Thanks, Allen 😉
I do enjoy books that take me out of my box.
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Jun 08, 2013 @ 15:00:28
What a great review, Denise. I love the way you can read a book and associate it with things that have happened in your life. I’m definitely putting this one on my TBR list 😉
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Jun 08, 2013 @ 21:30:08
Thanks, Dianne! Please let me know what you think!
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Jun 07, 2013 @ 21:47:19
Great review, Denise! I appreciated learning more about what you have overcome. It was noble of you to read this book with an open mind and to venture to see alcoholism from your parents’ point of view. As a child/grandchild of an alcoholic, I can imagine this must have been quite a challenge — and one I’m not sure I would have been able to pull off. But I think your willingness to try illustrates the kind of person you are.
Thanks so much for sharing, Denise…
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Jun 08, 2013 @ 09:43:02
Thanks, the more I forgive them and continuing healing, the easier it’s getting to consider new points of view. Your encouragement is helpful for me; thanks for taking the time to say so.
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Jun 08, 2013 @ 09:44:21
You are very welcome… xo
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Jun 06, 2013 @ 18:39:52
Denise – You’ve written an insightful review. It’s drawn me in and I love that you put your own spin on it.
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Jun 06, 2013 @ 20:23:11
Thanks, Sheri! You are the master of book reviews, so I appreciate your compliment very much! 😉
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Jun 04, 2013 @ 21:50:27
HI Denise! I just nominated you for the Liebster Award, with rules found at http://wp.me/p2GxIs-8j. Even if you don’t wish to accept the award, maybe answering the questions would be fun. In any case, I have included you because I regularly read your blog, find encouragement and challenge there and want to direct others to your site to experience the same. You bless me. If you choose to accept the award, just follow the guidelines – or just answer random questions!….Blessings! Diane,
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Jun 05, 2013 @ 22:16:29
Thank you so much Diane! What a sweet and lovely surprise!
So nice to hear from you again! 😉
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Jun 04, 2013 @ 06:18:05
Wonderful review, Denise. I love how she explains the differences (and illusions) of addictions. I’ll be putting this on my to-read list.
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Jun 04, 2013 @ 07:20:18
Thanks, Kate! I would be interested to know your thoughts after you’ve read it.
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Jun 03, 2013 @ 16:45:33
Great review, Denise – you are tapping something new here. I like it.
Sounds like a great book, and I will put it on my reading list.
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Jun 03, 2013 @ 19:24:29
Thanks, Karen! Yes, this is new for me!
I’ll look forward to hearing what you think. Heather has a great blog -she even has a page devoted to explaining how her boots got sober (Heather does have a great sense of humor!).
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Jun 02, 2013 @ 16:48:36
I am definitely planning to look into reading this book. Thank you!
I, too, do not believe alcoholism is a disease in the sense that we have come to understand a disease. A disease attacks us without warning. Alcoholism insidiously creeps up on the addict but with a lot of help from the addict. I think many alcoholics like referring to it as a disease because it takes away accountability in ways. To stop drinking or to stop any type of addiction requires persistent and mindful attention and work on the addict’s part. The brain needs to be re-trained to avoid cravings. Relapse is always an addict’s fear until the brain is free from the remnants of the habit. 🙂
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Jun 02, 2013 @ 19:03:34
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Paula. I think you’ll enjoy the book!
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Jun 02, 2013 @ 16:18:19
Thanks for this beautiful review, Denise!
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Jun 02, 2013 @ 19:00:45
You’re welcome, Heather!
Glad to spread the word about your great book!
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