Fear. The very word can speed up the adrenaline and heart.
There are two types of fear: healthy and unhealthy.
Healthy fear is like the red light on your dashboard saying “Hey! Something isn’t right, here.” It helps us recognize unsafe situations or people so we can protect ourselves or others. Unfortunately, we sometimes ignore healthy fear because we worry about offending someone or being judged as weak. (A child screams in the parking lot and we are afraid for her safety, but we worry about wrongly accusing someone of kidnapping.)
Unhealthy fear is unreasonable worry that affects our day-to-day lives. Our lives are not in probable danger, but we obsess over the possibility. (Even though we have a secure job and home, we fret constantly about money.)
I’ve noticed sometimes we’re afraid of experiencing something; failure, germs, death, or a robbery. Then again, sometimes we’re afraid of not experiencing something; financial security, love, graduation, or acceptance.
Fear of any type often leads to an assortment of cover-up behaviors; being judgmental, controlling, angry, and resentful. Ultimately these behaviors contribute to a lifetime of pain and unrealized dreams.
Fear is just another coping mechanism to cover deeper emotions.
The good news about unhealthy fear is we can overcome it.
Here are some basic steps for overcoming unhealthy fear:
1. Pray Seek God’s guidance on the journey you are about to embark on.2. Acknowledge it
Say it out loud to yourself, write it down, tell someone safe. I’m afraid of (fill in the blank.)
3. Appreciate it
Recognize your fear has done a good job of protecting you from other difficult emotions. Tell your fear you appreciate how it’s helped you, but it’s time for a new, healthier way of coping.
4. Confront it
Seek outside help, and consider professional help. This is not an overkill suggestion, because we cannot cure ourselves. We were not created to be self-sufficient. It may take anywhere from weeks to months to years to find out the root cause of your fear, but we need someone outside of ourselves to help us do it.
5. Let it go
As you process the unrecognized emotions masked with the fear, you will be able to let fear go. There may be a period of grieving because change feels like loss sometimes. That’s okay.
6. Celebrate
Your new freedom deserves celebration!
My fear of heights affected what route I took driving. It was an unreasonable fear to think the bridge would collapse or I’d fall off. As I worked through the underlying issues, though, my fear of heights dissipated. I wrote about this here.
It was a difficult journey, but I the rewards far outweighed the challenges. I learned much about myself in the process. And the greatest thing of all is I can truly say I’m not afraid of bridges, flying, or looking out the windows of tall buildings anymore.
Freedom from unhealthy fear will change your life!
How about you? What fears do you have or have you conquered?
May 02, 2013 @ 20:41:56
I love the quote! It’s so true… whenever you do something you’re terrified of doing… but then you do it anyway… and then nothing REALLY hurts you or kills you… the strength you find in yourself is the treasure.
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May 02, 2013 @ 23:07:26
Breaking through the fear barrier is like no other experience!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Michelle!
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May 03, 2013 @ 06:41:16
Oh it’s nothing 😉 You’re just so insightful! I very much enjoy reading your posts.
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May 03, 2013 @ 13:50:49
Thanks, Michelle!
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Apr 24, 2013 @ 12:46:34
Love this, Denise! You’re right, we all struggle with fear in our own ways but the steps you wrote out to deal with it work for any situation. And those steps are easy to remember, simple to do. Thanks for sharing it!
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Apr 24, 2013 @ 14:04:43
Thanks, Audrey! Glad you found it helpful.
Onward ho with all your exciting activiites!!!
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Apr 07, 2013 @ 04:10:46
I’ve been struggling with fear these last six months or so. I live in an area where you really don’t want to go to the hospital if you can avoid it, where hospital horror stories abound. Somehow, after years of good health, I’ve started to blow small health issues into emergencies, obsessing over an ER trip and pretty much holding my own funeral while I’m at it. Definitely an unhealthy fear. Thanks for this post!
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Apr 07, 2013 @ 11:43:20
That does sound like a frightening situation to be in. Do you think it could be bringing up old fears of feeling out of control?
It’s good you are aware the fear is beyond a ‘normal’ level of concern. That is the first step to figuring out what the underlying issue might be.
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Mar 26, 2013 @ 11:48:32
Denise – I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your point of view. Keep it up! I also wanted to let you know I have nominated you for the Liebster Award. I hope you have a great day, thanks!
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Mar 26, 2013 @ 18:29:34
Thanks for stopping by, Clay! And thank you so much for your lovely nomination! You are very thoughtful and sweet 😉
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Mar 25, 2013 @ 15:37:18
Denise (and Lori): I learn so much from you. Fear is where I sit right now. “It’s interesting how our minds park real fears on something else more ‘palatable.’ ” My fear makes no sense, and I am so interested in learning 1) how to identify what the underlying fear is, and 2) how to “process” as you say. I think your steps will help a lot. Thank you! Diane
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Mar 25, 2013 @ 16:25:28
Hi Diane, your curiosity and determination have always impressed me. It is a sign of your strength and committment to grow.
What an honor to be included in your journey of discovery!
Be sure to visit Lori’s blog, too. She always has such great insight and encouragement!
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 16:49:29
I love this post, Denise. You’ve interjected thinking into our emotional and oftentimes unconscious reactions to things and situations. Fear is one of the worst and best four letter word out there. It does keep us safe, but in the hands of an unprocessed, unconscious mind (like I was), fear can dominate and ruin a life. Fear is God given, but it’s also a tool of the enemy and the result of an over-active, wounded soul.
Being in recovery from PTSD, the fears I’ve processed are too numerous to list here. I’ve processed so much over the past 7 years, but even so, I’ve found myself reacting fearfully to new things. For instance, I never had a fear of heights until after my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. I think it’s a strange coincidence that one of the biggest traumas of my life just happens to coincide with a new fear…It has grown immensely since finding my mom unconscious on hospital room floor and holding her for the 15 minute seizure,
I think I’m going to need to do an immersion/exposure intervention on myself because I find that it’s a growing fear that has transferred itself even to a mere tree swing at a friend’s house. I was the only one who wouldn’t go on it, and I became sweaty and nauseous watching everyone else swing.
I suppose I’ll need to enlist a watchful eye for the rest of my life…Thankfully, I’m at least aware of what’s going on…
I’d love to hear your thoughts about the connection between fear and intuition…
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 22:28:17
You make a great point, Lori, about new fears cropping up with new traumas. From what you’ve blogged about the hospital incident with your mom, it seems like a tremendous trauma for you. Perhaps the new fear of heights is a reflection of the fear of being out of control during your mom’s seizure.
It’s interesting how our minds park real fears on something else more ‘palatable.’ It’s really great you are so aware, and that speaks to how much work you’ve done already. I have great confidence you’ll be able to dig into all of this and determine what’s going on.
Your comment about keeping a watchful eye long term is a good one. I think those of us with PTSD will always have challenges with fears threatening to take over in various ways. Our awareness/willingness to dig will likely determine how successful we are at processing and moving on.
Thanks for opening such a great dialogue!
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 15:26:48
I have overcome a lot of fears, but I’m still working on many. I try to sort them out in the categories that you suggest, and that helps me put them in perspective. Just today, hubs asked me to get the car washed and I immediately cringed and said I couldn’t, because car washes terrify me (I’m a tad claustrophobic). I don’t think I’ll spend a lot of time working through that particular fear, because I have someone who can take the car to be washed. Other fears, the ones that can only be dealt with by me, are the ones I have to work through, and it does take time.
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 22:21:52
That sounds encouraging, Kate -that you are evaluating them and deciding which ones need to be addressed. Thanks for sharing your perspective, it’s always good to hear from you!
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 12:10:08
Great and helpful post, Denise. I was talking about this very topic with my husband this morning cause I’m looking at some of my own areas of fear, stepping into things that I’ve been cowardly about. It’s refreshing to read this especially when I needed to. Have a good day, friend. Paulette
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 14:48:13
Hey Paulette! Glad you found this helpful, and hopefully encouraging, too.
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 01:22:56
This is a truly helpful post, Denise. Often, we just let fear take us over without realizing it is even there. It’s not easy to work through fear, but your process gives us a way of tackling things.Thanks so much.
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Mar 24, 2013 @ 14:46:54
Thanks, Yaz. I’m happy for your validation.
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 11:59:22
This is one of the most painful. but beautiful truths I know. There is no way out but through.Thanks.
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 21:39:45
Well said, Marsella!
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 10:53:40
Oh this is an easy one for me: flying. I was on a tiny plane in remote Alaska that had an engine blow up and catch on fire. Scary! So I instantly became scared of flying. Living in Alaska, there is no way to avoid planes if you want to go anywhere. To conquer this I began by reading a book on the fear of flying which explained the incredible number of checks to ensure passenger safety. It helped a little, but not enough! Then I had a friend remind me that God is control more than the pilot and mechanics. It helped a little too, but not a complete cure. Practice was probably the biggest help…I have to fly on long journeys to see family, etc. and one time went to Russia which was a LOT of practice..basically flying around the world. I finally got down to being comfortable during the flight and could get through take off and landing by concentrating on math puzzles. Then the landings were okay, but I couldn’t conquer the take offs until the men in my family laughed at me and said, “That’s the best part, to feel the power of the engines.” So the next flight I pretended I was a guy in a cool race car…let the testosterone flow…haha! So, after 20 years, I can fly without tears and panic. Now, to conquer the joy of cramped seating for 6 hours….
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 21:40:35
What a great story, Vicki! Sounds like breaking it down into smaller pieces made it much more manageable!
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 10:34:25
I suppose we all have our fears, and some fears are stronger than others – strong enough to affect what we do. I am fortunate enough that I don’t have any phobias that govern what I do in my life, but I do have a couple of unreasonable fears that I know are unreasonable and have been able to overcome. Spiders – still get the heebie jeebies if I walk through a spider web, but nowhere near as bad as I used to be; I used to get to the point of throwing up if I even saw a spider.
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 21:41:46
Wow! It sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress with your fears, Ruth!
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 10:16:24
Still working on this thanks for the tips!
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Mar 23, 2013 @ 21:41:14
I’m always finding new things to work on! 😉
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