As some of you may have noticed on my bio page, I enjoy riding my Honda Shadow motorcycle. The freedom of riding out in the open air often helps clear my mind.
A couple of years ago, my husband and I wanted to attend a biker’s rally on the other side of Puget Sound. Previously, we’d taken the ferry across because of my intense fear of heights. However, I’d been working very hard in therapy processing memories and emotions and I felt it was finally time to confront this demon.
Interestingly, I’d learned that it’s common to funnel various bottled up fears from many experiences and dump them onto one or two fears that are more ‘acceptable.’ This proved true for me, which made my fear of heights much more accentuated. But because of these dynamics, my fear of heights was also being addressed simultaneously with other issues.
So, we would cross the ginormous Tacoma Narrows Bridge. This bridge is not for the faint of heart. It is a staggering 188 feet high and 5400 feet across. (Go big or go home, right?)
My biggest fear wasn’t that it would collapse (as it did in 1940) but that I would literally fall off. This fear wasn’t completely unfounded, because at age 14, I was pitched over the side of a bridge when my bicycle tire got caught in the wooden bridge slats. My friend watched in horror as I fell the 15-20 feet and landed on my head in the gravelly creek below.
I also had another reason to be afraid of heights. Shortly after my 17th birthday, I flew with my dad in his 2-seater float plane on a day trip fishing in a remote mountain lake. The weather conditions shifted, and to make a long story short, we crashed into the frigid lake on take-off. The details of surviving this warrant a post of its own, but suffice it to say I was left quite traumatized from the experience.
Note: This is not the plane we crashed in, just a similar situation.
When I consider the years of abuse, those two incidents pale in comparison, but together they contributed to a level of overwhelming fear of heights.
The Narrows Bridge is visible long before you arrive, and my anticipation grew steadily as the bridge came closer. I was nervous, but not panicking. As we approached, I could feel the butterflies multiplying and preparing to take flight in my stomach. Suddenly, the ground gave way to the metal bridge deck and I could feel and hear the physical transition take place. I had a simultaneous transition of my own. The butterflies disappeared and a confusing mixture of joy and rage rushed through my body.
I was elated that I could finally cross a magnificent bridge without fear, but also enraged that I’d been imprisoned by such fear for so many years. Tears ran down my cheeks while I laughed out loud and said (for the first time ever) “F*** you Dad! I’m going to be ok after all!” My husband was riding just behind me and I held out a thumbs up sign to let him know I was doing just fine!
That was a pivotal day for me as I took a leap forward in leaving fear behind and embracing my budding freedom.
How about you? What kind of fears do you want to face, or have you faced already?
Mar 23, 2013 @ 09:29:12
Jan 08, 2013 @ 23:15:33
Is that bridge between the Tacoma area and Gigs Harbor? If so, I have a picture I took of that bridge 2 years ago, when my husband and I were driving over it and I was s-s-s-s-s-scared. We were in our truck and 5th wheel rig, though, not on my husband’s motorcycle. I’ve made a poster-image of that bridge photo I took, with the words: “PTSD isn’t about what’s wrong with you, it’s about what happened to you.”
I have a suspension bridge trauma, going all the way back to one of my very first childhood memories. It happened on the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge, in the 1950s. But, I’m NOT going to share it, because it’s a long miserable story, and I’ve shared more than enough of those on your blog, already.
Instead, I am going to say this:
YAY YOU!!! YOU DID IT!!! YOU ARE A SUPER STAR!!!
~and~
Good Grief, Girl! You survived a 15 – 20 ft. fall off a bridge, landing on your head in gravel… and, a plane crash into a lake? You aren’t just a super star, you are SUPERWOMAN!!!!! God definitely had plans for your life, He wasn’t going to let you die too soon.
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Jan 09, 2013 @ 02:47:54
PS: I looked at my photo and the bridge we went over in October 2010 was much smaller, nothing like this one. Wow, you rode a bike over this.. amazing.
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Jan 09, 2013 @ 05:32:57
Yes! That is the bridge! It is crazy huge! I love your poster idea!
I used to have to close my eyes going over any bridge it scared me so much (well, a few times I was driving and I had to force myself to stare straight ahead, while shaking). This was a huge milestone for me!
Thanks, Lynda, for sharing!
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Sep 27, 2012 @ 16:50:08
I am leary of heights & bridges as well ~ so proud of you! 🙂
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Sep 27, 2012 @ 16:56:31
Thanks!!
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Sep 25, 2012 @ 07:43:14
Go Denise!!!! You are an awesome super star!
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Sep 25, 2012 @ 08:24:47
Ha ha! Now that’s a good one! Thanks for the compliment! 😉
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Sep 24, 2012 @ 01:12:04
That must have been scary, well done. I’m not fond of Rats, brought up on a farm haha
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Sep 24, 2012 @ 04:45:55
Eh, I’m not fond of rats, either!
Thanks for stopping by! I enjoyed your blog and visited several of the blogs you recommended on your Lovely Blog Award post.
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Sep 23, 2012 @ 20:21:01
Wow – how absolutely brave and wonderful of you (I hate heights as well) 😀
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Sep 23, 2012 @ 21:05:38
Thanks, Dianne! Your support is always so appreciated!
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Sep 23, 2012 @ 09:28:10
I am always inspired by people who face their fears and don’t let those fears get in the way of a life well lived. Congratulations on overcoming this fear in your life! (And no wonder you’re not interested in boats and planes! That plane crash would scar anyone for life).
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Sep 23, 2012 @ 21:00:37
Thanks so much! Thank you for coming by to visit!
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Sep 21, 2012 @ 04:54:58
Very inspiring! Well done – what a breakthrough.
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Sep 21, 2012 @ 05:37:49
Thank you!
I enjoy your inspiration and words of wisdom on your blog!
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Sep 20, 2012 @ 05:03:01
Way to go, Denise! Yay! I have a similar fear of heights. And I have challenged those fears with a thumb to the nose: went up in a hot air balloon, have been up in tiny airplanes, have been over bridges on MCs and on a bicycle. I still get butterflies, but work through it. I have a fear of crowded spaces (I can stand an elevator, but can’t stand a crowded elevator), and I know that comes from being nearly crushed at a car racing event back in the 70s. Motorcycle events – how I love them – toys for tots and poker runs!
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Sep 20, 2012 @ 05:33:59
HI Karen! Thanks for sharing!
That’s awesome you don’t let fear keep you from doing the things you love! Sounds like a story in there about the car event!
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Sep 20, 2012 @ 05:55:03
It was the Indy 500 back in 1976 and the crowds coming out after the race – I was really scared. Just a crush of people. Horrible!
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Sep 20, 2012 @ 08:11:42
That sounds awful! (and claustrophobic!)
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 18:37:48
Fascinating, and bravo!! Isn’t it incredible how few people are fearless. Only months ago I faced my lifelong stage fright. (I’m 71). I had avoided promotions and countless other activities because of it. I spent a few months in Toastmasters, and a friend generously shared his skill (‘amateur’ but terrific) with Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Not long after, I stood up and sang to my husband in a restaurant with about 50 people at a special Valentines dinner (no I wasn’t drunk 🙂 . I’ve spoken up at public meetings which I couldn’t do before (that’s what I most wanted to be able to do). Better late than never! Bravo to all the brave people who face and deal with their ‘inner enemies’ 🙂
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 21:34:14
Wow! That’s amazing how your newfound skills have helped transform your life! What a great role model you are!
Our fears do hold us back, sometimes without even realizing it. Congratulations and thanks so much for sharing!
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 10:28:07
I am terrified of heights! You are quite brave to have conquered this fear. I can’t begin to imagine what it must have been like! Wowwowwowwowwow!
The other two incidents you mention made me gasp out loud. You really have come through a lot, Denise. You are an amazing person. 🙂
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 10:46:26
Thank you! 😉
My kids have told me I’m like a cat using my my nine lives!
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 08:22:09
Yay! Yay! Yay! This is so awesome, Denise. You took back what was robbed from you. What a beautiful experience for you. So glad you shared it with us. And I’m so happy your life was spared during your other traumatic incidents, my goodness. That’s scary stuff.
You’re giving me a little shove to face my own fear of heights. I never had that fear until 2 months ago when I was with good friends in a gondola. We were celebrating my friend’s birthday in Tahoe and when the door closed on the gondola the fear took me by utter surprise and Iiterally thought I was going to spread eagle on the floor in panic. I’m also teaching a class on Fridays and the classroom is on the 3rd floor. Big panic. I’m doing an event in a few days that will challenge this fear- I’m going to think of you when I jump off the plank…healing, healing, and more healing. We’re never done, right? Do you have any practical tips on what you said to yourself as you approached the bridge?
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 08:33:47
Thank you!! Well, you are taking the first step by speaking it out loud! Own that fear so you can slay it! Woo Hoo!
My own pep talk included reminding myself
1. this bridge doesn’t have wooden slats (ie: I am not in the same circumstance as my past) and
2. being afraid of heights isn’t my real fear (ie: it was -to some degree- a cover for worse fears underneath).
I also kept thinking about how proud of myself I would be on the other side (of course this had dual meaning, too!)
Isn’t that so frustrating…that we’re never done!?!
You can do it!! I will be thinking of you on Friday!!
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 07:59:37
Good for you and congratulations on facing your fears!
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 08:08:33
Thank you Ruth!
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