Rex was never my dog. He was old when I was born and never had much patience for me. Even so, I loved having a dog in the house and liked to rub his silky black ears. Apparently, I used him as a scapegoat once when I got into mom’s freshly baked cake and blamed the dog!
When I was seven, I was playing outside and a neighbor friend noticed Rex wasn’t around and asked me where he was. I went inside and asked mom, but she was busy visiting with her friend and tried to distract me. But, I persisted.
She finally took me in my room and told me Rex was dead. Dad had taken him out into the woods and shot him. I was never even told Rex was sick and didn’t get to say goodbye. I had no preparation for death or grief. I remember screaming that I hated my dad when she told me what happened. I was inconsolable, heartbroken and terrified. Of course it wasn’t okay to question anything dad did, so I was expected to just accept what happened and deal with it. This was, to some degree, reminiscent of after he would abuse me and I had to stuff my feelings and pretend nothing happened.
An unspoken consequence of his shooting Rex was confirmation to me that dad meant business when he threatened me not to tell about the abuse.
I don’t remember how much time went by before I started begging and pleading to get my own dog. I was ten when they finally relented. They asked a co-worker of dad’s who was going to Anchorage to pick out a dog from the pound. She came home with an 8 month old Cock-a-Poo named Angel.
My own dog! I bonded to her immediately and renamed her Pepper. (Although in hindsight, I can see now her original name of Angel was quite accurate.) Unlike many kids who promise to take care of a dog only to lose interest in a few weeks, I only grew closer to her. I fed her every day, walked her frequently and even cleaned her teeth! (The nearest veterinarian was 200 miles away in Anchorage.) I absolutely adored her and took all responsibility for her. Although dad liked Pepper, I think I worried she might meet the same fate as Rex if I wasn’t careful. After all, he liked Rex, too.
She was a huge part of my life and we became inseparable. She even learned to ride on my bicycle with me! We’d swing, bike and cross country ski together.
When I was sad, she would automatically curl up next to me and snuggle. She seemed to read my emotions effortlessly.
She was 14 and I was married with two babies when I made one of the most heart-wrenching decisions of my life to have her put down. I still get teary thinking about her and how much she meant to me. She was with me during many of my darkest years in the midst of the worst abuse. She was my constant, my tangible comfort and example of unconditional love. She will always have a very special place in my heart and I will always miss her.
Have you had a pet help you through difficult times?
Sep 29, 2012 @ 20:48:43
How eloquently you describe your feelings about the loss of your first dog and then Pepper. There is no love like the love of and for a dog.
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Sep 29, 2012 @ 22:00:43
Yes, dogs are truly God’s gift to our hearts! Thanks for your sweet comments!
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 08:16:15
I know how it feels to loose a dog and how hard it is to put one down… my heart went out to you…
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Sep 19, 2012 @ 08:22:12
Thank you, Maggie. You must know that same heartache yourself.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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Sep 09, 2012 @ 13:10:23
In my photo is Foster.
He is my “never going to have another dog” dog.
Wherever I am… he is. My shadow.
He is teaching me every day about joy.
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Sep 09, 2012 @ 22:07:51
Foster looks like a livewire and I bet he keeps you running!
How wonderful for you to have each other!
I think we could all learn a lot from our dogs…
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Sep 07, 2012 @ 06:43:11
Now you’ve got me missing Spicy. She was a pure-bred seal-point Siamese, my best friend for about six years through three cross-country moves and tough adolescent years. I’ve had quite a few cats since but none compare to Spicy.
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Sep 07, 2012 @ 12:16:55
Hi! Glad you wandered over to visit!
Spicy sounds like a gem! I bet you do miss her! Sound like she’ll always have a special piece of your heart.
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Sep 06, 2012 @ 21:44:36
Very touching post. Made me teary. Animals’ pure hearts are so special. They are really a gift to us.
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Sep 07, 2012 @ 05:40:28
Thanks Sheri! We could really learn some things from animals, couldn’t we?
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Sep 04, 2012 @ 18:29:59
What a special bond you and Pepper had and it is wonderful that you had a pet to love unconditionally.
I once had a Cock-A-Poo identical to Pepper. He was a very sweet dog who liked to go “bye-bye” with me. While although I will always miss him I am grateful for the happy memories made during his life.
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Sep 04, 2012 @ 18:46:13
Thanks for visiting, Christy! I’m happy to hear you had a ‘cousin’ of Pepper’s! No doubt he was wonderful!
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Sep 02, 2012 @ 16:25:45
Oh, this is gut-wrenching. I am a huge animal lover, and I have difficulty dealing with the loss of a pet. I grew up with loads of cats and dogs, tropical fish, a pig and a bird. My childhood cat, a calico I named Garlic (don’t ask me why!) lived until she was 18. In college I got another cat, a tortoiseshell I named Kahlua. She died at the age of 16. Now we have two 1-year-old cats, Ninja and Pinocchio–trouble times 2. 🙂
As far as dogs, we’ve lost a lot over the years, but the one that will always bring a tear to my eyes is an English setter, Fryar, that we had to put down. He was my husband’s and my first “baby” and he was 4 when my daughter was born. He was so good to her, never acting jealous at the little bundle of intrusion, and he was such a great protector of us.
We have another English setter now, Ginger, and she is also a wonderful pet and great with the kids.
You are so lucky to have had a pet that you loved, especially through some of your darker times. The two of you will always have a special bond that will never, ever die.
Take care.
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Sep 02, 2012 @ 19:12:29
Wow! You’ve had your own zoo over the years! 🙂
Pets are an incredible addition to family…My heart melts when I see a dog and I usually ask if I can have a ‘doggie fix’.
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Sep 02, 2012 @ 10:59:36
Animals have such a wonderful, supernatural connection to our spirits. I’m so sorry about what happened to Rex 😦 and I’m happy you were given the gift of your Pepper. Pets really are special family members and it’s always excruciatingly hard to let them go… Do you have any dogs now?
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Sep 02, 2012 @ 19:10:54
Unfortunately, we had to have our last dog put down in March. Lady was suffering from cancer and it was her time. We are taking a ‘doggie break’ for a bit, now. My heart needs some time to rest from grieving the loss of 5 dogs over my lifetime.
How about you? Do you have any dogs, or other pets, now?
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