Why do certain people think they know my own life history better than I do? These specific people apparently think I am making up my abuse. Although I’d like to accuse them of being pompous or even ignorant, I think my objectors are actually afraid. Over the years, I’ve come to understand rejection happens when truth is too threatening. The quickest, easiest defense is to refuse to believe it. Depending on just how upsetting the information is, the methods of rejection can get quite extreme.
Maybe you have experienced this phenomenon yourself. Perhaps you’ve been in denial about truth someone has shared with you. Or, perhaps you have been rejected because of truth you have shared.
I had the pleasure of hearing theologian and philosopher Peter Rollins speak recently.
He said “Whenever you can’t face otherness (differences), it’s not because you disagree, it’s because you agree but are threatened by the confrontation of your own knowledge.” As odd as this may sound at first, it actually makes perfect sense to me and confirms my own experiences.
Our cozy little bubbles…
We like to stay in our own comfortable worlds, thinking life really is this little bubble we’ve created. Our own delusions prevent us from knowing various types of truth. It’s convenient, but not reality. We accept the truths we can live with and passively ignore or actively reject others. The closer the truth hits home, the more threatening it is. The more threatening it is, the stronger the reactions and justifications for it.
Fortunately, I have more people in my life who believe my truth than not. Some family, my friends and even family friends believe me. When I have shared the hard truth of my childhood, most were able to face otherness with compassion instead of rejection. Many were surprised, but that didn’t prevent them from accepting truth. They understand abuse is a complicated and hidden epidemic.
Their belief and support has been immensely helpful in my recovery. Several people from my childhood contacted me after Dad’s death. One person in particular was someone with whom I had confided in way back then. She contacted me to say she was sorry she hadn’t done more to help me in the midst of it. She, too, had been afraid of my dad. His death allowed more truth to be acknowledged and more healing to happen.
Truth is too important to be silenced…
My growing support network and faith continue to sustain me even while my objectors insist what I say is not true. Shame and rejection no longer render me into silence. Being silent would be akin to saying abuse is acceptable; thus allowing it to perpetuate. I am a strong survivor, and I will not be silenced.
John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
What areas have you spoken truth about and did you experience rejection?
Jan 08, 2013 @ 21:50:50
For years I didn’t dare tell anyone about the abuses, because my mother told me that if I told anyone, she would go to prison for the rest of her life, and the 5 of us kids would be sent to 5 separate foster homes and never see each other again. To the 12-year-old I was at the time, that was a fate worse than death.
When I finally told… I was not believed. I was called a liar, and crazy. Not being believed seemed to hurt me as much as the original traumas did.
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Jan 09, 2013 @ 05:25:21
Being called a liar can be devastating. Those that benefit from covering up the truth are often the most threatening about it.
I’m sorry you weren’t believed then, and am so glad you’ve found a safe new family for yourself.
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Sep 05, 2012 @ 18:33:32
I’m not sure I have spoken uncomfortable truths in so many words that I can recall, but I have often stood by someone or shown by action that I accept or believe things that others have stood back from or rejected as truth. It’s hard but I can’t imagine any other way. The most uncomfortable feeling in the world to me is to deny what I know to be true, especially if that would also result in my rejecting a human being, so being rejected myself or having any other reaction from others when I have stood for truth just falls off of me in comparison to the dread of embracing a lie and hurting someone else in the process. I suppose the ‘be true to yourself’ addage somewhat fits this.
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Sep 05, 2012 @ 20:38:53
You have a sweet soul, Sheri! Your family and friends are lucky to have you!
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Sep 05, 2012 @ 21:17:54
What a very sweet thing to say, Denise. Thanks so much!
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Sep 02, 2012 @ 19:08:33
Thanks for the additional verse…It is a good one, too!
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Sep 02, 2012 @ 18:49:36
Being released from the past to make room for the future is DIVINE LIBERTY. You mentioned one of my favorite scriptures: John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Another favorite that goes well with it: John 8:36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. I surely appreciate you stopping by My Journal of Praise and liking posts. God Bless You In All That You Do!
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Aug 30, 2012 @ 13:49:21
It’s true…dealing with what happened is very painful, but to be rejected for speaking truth is equally so. Thanks for your support and grace.
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Aug 30, 2012 @ 12:41:10
That’s one of my favorite recovery scriptures, by the way…I love that you included it. 🙂
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Aug 30, 2012 @ 12:40:19
Beautifully stated…having the courage to say, “THIS happened to ME!” isn’t easy when loved ones deny or turn their backs. It’s hard enough to face it, but to have others not believe you is the worst of it still. I’m so glad you’ve found a solid group of supporters that can stand next to you as you recover. Cheering for you. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Aug 19, 2012 @ 18:06:20
I agree, Lynn!!! Isn’t it freeing to be able to have our own minds and not be controlled by what other people think we should think?
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Aug 19, 2012 @ 14:08:50
My recovery has been a difficult journey. I first lived in delusion. I thought I was a victim, that things just happened to me. If you gave me cause- looked at me the wrong way- I would make you regret it. I felt this way because of unresolved issues of my past. I am learning now that I do not want to be that person anymore. I want to be someone people can trust, and want to get to know on a deeper level. I had to get past the fear of others not liking me- I had to learn to like and love myself for who I am. I am still challenged by people not accepting me- however the pain of that perceived fear is much less today.
I can extend people the courtesy to disagree with me. I have learned this does not mean I condone their behavior, nor do I have to sway them to believe what I believe. People disagreeing with me does not mean I did something wrong, or that I have to change what I believe to match what someone else believes- so they will like me.
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