When my kids were young, I was a ‘stay-at-home’ mom. Admission of this unappreciated ‘career’ often resulted in being asked “What do you do at home all day?” No doubt, the question wasn’t meant to offend me, but it usually had that very effect! Obviously the cleaning, cooking, errands and oh yeah Parenting didn’t take up much of my day, right?
One day in particular, I was out on errands in a mightly frazzled state of mind.
The kids had been fighting, we were running late and my ‘to-do’ list was longer than the day allowed. I bumped into someone I barely knew on the sidewalk and she asked The Question. At this point, I’m pretty sure I only had one nerve left and she stepped right on it.
My immediate reply was a sarcastic (and probably loud) ”What do I do all day? Oh absolutely nothing! I just sit around eating bon bons and watching TV all day! The house cleans itself, the kids behave beautifully without any intervention and my husband does all the errands after he gets home!” She wrinkled her eyebrows at me and silently walked away, likely convinced I was insane. (It is possible, at that moment, she was absolutely correct!)
This exchange comes to mind now and again and makes me laugh, but I recently read somebody’s recollection of a comeback that was far funnier. I had the best belly laugh I’ve had in awhile from this hilarious post at Fellowship of the Minds, although I believe it may have originated at Rick Root’s blog. Enjoy!!
Yesterday I was at my local Kroger buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
How about you? What’s the craziest answer you’ve ever given (or overheard)?